Day 71: Freedom!..and some other thoughts

One of these things is not like the other... :)

Finally, my lower right leg gets to experience the light of day! And you better believe, I am hitting the rays this weekend, one way or another. Whew, it's bad. The above picture is definitely less than flattering. But who's into flattering, anyway? I'm all about the reality and remembering things accurately. And this is for sure accurate.

I've been processing a lot of emotions today and I'm not quite sure that my thoughts/feelings are completely coherent yet, but I feel compelled to take a stab at it anyway. So, here's some more hardcore reality, unfiltered and unashamed.

Thoughts/Ramblings tumbling around in my head/heart:

1. I feel strange without my cast. Not just physically strange, but kind of like a mini identity crisis.

2. Walking has never felt so good. It hurts and feels tingly and strange, but it's never felt so good. Honestly.

3. I can't wait to take a shower tomorrow. No, I didn't get to shower today after I got my cast cut off. I did, however, shave my leg before I went back to work. Priorities!

4. Working out sounds like the most thrilling and terrifying idea ever. Simultaneously. Thankfully, I don't have to cross that bridge just yet. I'm not technically supposed to be completely rid of the crutches until Saturday. So, I'll worry about sweatin' it out at that point.

5. 2 out of the 3 pairs of new shoes that I bought in the last 3 weeks are not going to work for me. Monetary frustration? Completely. Excuse to go shopping? Undoubtedly.

6. Tomorrow I'm going to drive. I'm entirely elated and thoroughly nervous about getting behind the wheel. Who would've thought that 8 weeks off of driving would turn me into a little bit of a worry wart? (Ha, that's a joke for sure; I'm pretty sure I've worried since the day I was conceived.) Worrying about driving has never been my thing; ever since my dad gave in and settled for an automatic, I've felt completely confident in my driving abilities. Currently, confidence is not my forte.

7. I feel like an emotional wreck. I'm happy and sad to have my cast off. The happy side is pretty easy to understand, surely. (Back to normal showers, no more heavy leg, I can drive, I can wear jeggins again, etc.) But the sad side, that's probably a little more difficult to level with. Let me try to hash through this... I feel like I'd just finally adjusted to asking for help and ALLOWING others to help me. And now I'm going to be on my own again. No cast=no need for help. Poof. Magic wand waved. Except not. Because it's not that easy. All in all, this is another step of trust as I transition to another "normal", it just looks a little different than other steps in the past. So, it's time to pull up my big girl pants and adjust again. (So maybe "sad" isn't exactly the most accurate term, but perhaps "overwhelming" or "confusing" would suffice?) Thankfully, I don't have to transition alone. I get that. I'm just not sure at all what this transition looks like. Thankfully-again-I'm not in control. Whew.

If you are still reading this, bless you! Thanks for putting up with my antics. :) And now, I think I'll hit the sack, hopefully to gain some physical and emotional strength through recharging.

Get some rest, friends. And, be blessed!