We're ENGAGED!

We got engaged this weekend.  And I’m really excited.  And I absolutely cannot wait to spill the details of our proposal.  So, without any further ado…

So, we’re in the process of buying a house.  We found an incredible opportunity to jump in on this house in the middle of the construction process, so we dove right in.  The house sits on a beautiful piece of land backing up to a creek.  We’ve spent the last few weeks planning and preparing and selecting paint colors and really just getting super excited about living in our first home together.  Throughout the process, Trevor has assured me that our engagement would not happen until after we closed on the house.  Financial advisors had recommended not making any major purchases prior to the closing, thus, the bling would have to wait. 

And the joke’s on me.  While that may be substantial advice, it wasn’t relevant in our situation and Trevor, unbeknownst to me, took matters into his own hands entirely.  He bought the ring and made the plans, coordinating details with my sister along the way.  She came to town to visit this week, which was timely, no doubt. 

Friday we had planned to take my sister out and show her the house, then head to Nashville for an evening of music out on the town.  All day my sis had emphasized that she really wanted to see the house in the daylight so that she could take some photos to show our parents.  Little did I know…

We gave the house tour, starting in the basement and working our way upstairs.  As I was taking my sis through the master bedroom—relaying closet organization plans and whatnot—Trevor excused himself.  After much prodding from my sister,—“I’m really hungry.  It’s getting dark.  Let’s go to Nashville.”—I finally wrapped up the tour and headed back to the living room.  We rounded the corner to find Trev down on his knee in front of the fireplace. 

I wish I could say that I handled myself with grace and eloquence in the succeeding moments.  But, I can’t. 

Shock immediately took over and my brain turned to mush.

Turning around to my sister, who by now had her camera out and flashing away, I exclaimed, “This is not happening!  Is this happening?!”  Once she assured me this was, in fact, reality, I did the only natural thing I could think of:  I got down on one knee in front of my man.

Wait… What?!

Yep, like I said…grace, folks.  Oy.

Thankfully, I didn’t stay on my knee for more than a split second before I realized how absolutely absurdly I was behaving.  The next several moments—on my feet—were filled with squeals and gasps and utterances of disbelief.  I think it was probably a solid four minutes before the poor guy even got an opportunity to talk.  (Welcome to the rest of your life, Baby.)

Eventually, I shut up, opened my eyes, and let him talk.  Of course he said sweet things, proclaiming his love and asking for my hand.  I’ll keep the specifics between us; it’s so precious.  And eventually, I responded with a resounding, “YES!”  And eventually he got the ring on my finger. 

And eventually I’ll stop gawking at it…maybe… Actually, probably not. 

Seriously, I have the absolute best fiancé.  He picked out the most stunning ring.  And he planned the perfect proposal.  And he completely and utterly surprised me in the best of ways.  I love that we got to share this part of our story in what will be our first home together.  I absolutely cannot wait to build our life together.  Trevor is, next to my salvation, the greatest gift the Lord has given me.  I don’t even know how to say it any more accurately or emphatically.  I’m completely and totally excited about what the Lord has planned for our lives together. 

So, there you have it.  That is our engagement story.  Hopefully you get a big smile out of it, maybe even a giggle or two.  (I laugh every time I think about it.)  Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing in our journey.

Blessings, friends!

cupcakes with a dash of hope

Today, I baked cupcakes.

Yesterday, I ran...both cardiovascularly and in the errand sense.

But today, I baked cupcakes.  From scratch.  With a stick and a half of butter.

And I licked the batter off of anything and everything that even had a drip of batter on it.  And I don't even feel remotely guilty about it.  Thank you, Martha, for this divine cupcake recipe.  It's so simple, but seriously, it's the best cupcake batter I've ever tasted.  The cupcakes aren't even done yet and I don't care; I'm completely satisfied with the batter alone.

Lately I've had lists galore.  A to-do list for the week, a to-do list for the day, a store list, a job list, a workout list, a meal-planning list, a coupon-searching list.  The only thing lacking is a list of my lists.  No joke.  Sometimes lists can be counterproductive and totally suck the life out of me, robbing me of my joy.  So today, I badly needed a break from all that my lists had to offer.  Alas, in true Type-A form, I couldn't completely steer clear of the list, so I added to it:  bake cupcakes.  On Friday, I will take said cupcakes to my nanny job and turn them into delightful spider leg cupcakes with the little Miss I watch.  I'm sure it will be fun.

I promise this isn't really a post dedicated solely to baking cupcakes.  But it is about what baking cupcakes--and the smell of the cupcakes drifting through my apartment currently--does for my soul.  Sometimes it really is the little things that make a big difference.

In the last few weeks, I've gotten back into more of a regular quiet time routine.  Several months ago, I started journeying through the Gospels, and yesterday I started John.  A new devotional book that a friend gave me has had me rummaging around all throughout the OT and NT, which I've really loved.  There's something about digging in and getting my hands dirty in the soil of the Word that really does restore energy and life and hope.

Today I read about hope.  My devotional took me back through the stories of Ruth and Abraham, then ended with a passage in Romans 5.  This is what hit me so hard.  Check it:

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  

Romans 5:1-5

What struck me most today was the last verse:  "Now hope does not disappoint..."

As humans, we're so privy to using phrases like, "I've got my fingers crossed," or "I don't want to get my hopes up."  But why are we so leery of hope?  Of really letting go and believing in confidence?  In reality, the reason we have hope is because of God's love.  And His love for us has already been settled and proved, once and for all.  Therefore, there's no way that hope can disappoint, not if hope is found in Him.  There's really no reason to not get our hopes up, since He is the source of hope.  And so this renewal of hope in my heart brought with it a renewed joy.  Finding joy in the little things makes life so much richer and fuller and it makes me so much more effective as a minister, girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend, etc.

Okay, so I keep trying to draw some deeply spiritual parallel between baking cupcakes and living in hope, but I'm not really coming up with anything.  The bottom line for this post, my thesis, if you will is this:  I love baking and the Lord is so good to give me a hope and a joy that allows me to enjoy even the little things in life.

I hope you'll be encouraged and find hope today.

If I could bring you freshly baked cupcakes, I would.  Just so you know. ;)

A Reaction To Thunder

I’ve had so many thoughts tumbling around my noggin’ lately, yet somehow, I’ve managed to articulate next to zero of them.  It seems that my incessant list making has robbed my brain of nearly every creative cell.  Oy ve.

However, the creativity has somewhat revived through a couple of different events: 
=Helping Trevor house hunt
-Taking on a nanny role

Both of these happenings have revived a part of my heart that had been asleep for quite sometime.  Assisting in the house hunting process resuscitated my love for construction and design.  Yep, the paint samples, carpet swatches, fresh drywall, and unplumbed model homes really do inspire me.  Call me crazy, but the blank canvas of an unfinished home provides an ample amount of creative fuel for me.  

Also, taking care of a little person (a two year old doll, who shall remain nameless out of respect and protection) has already proved to be a source of reflection and introspection, along with satisfying my heart of investing in and teaching others.  

Today I found myself rather overwhelmed at the amount of tasks I needed to accomplish during naptime.  And it rained--actually stormed--in Cville.  For the first time in ages.  Conveniently, during naptime.  Consequently, my stress level elevated with every clap of thunder and the increasing sounds of whimpering coming from the front bedroom.  Pay bills.  Cancel satellite in Spfd house.  Find a new bank.  Transfer insurance policy.  Finish substitute application.  Call Mom.  Write bios for Women’s Retreat.  The list goes on…

Yet, at the first cry from the wee one—I’ll call her ‘Little Miss’—I was crib side, back patting, voice soothing.  And I had no idea what had taken over.  Instinct?  Perhaps.  The thunder ceased momentarily and the whimpers subsided, so back to the crib it was…only to be repeat the cycle twice more over the course of the next twenty minutes.  And so I wound up in the rocker, two-year-old gripping tightly, snuggling to sleep.  All I could think about was the Father’s love.

Only moments before, Little Miss cried from the crib, “Ganger!  Ganger!  Ganger!”  (Translation:  “Thunder!  Thunder!  Thunder!”)  Yet, now she clung tightly, securely, calmly to me and slept peacefully.

And I thought about how often I do the same.  I freak at the sign of the storm, the threatening sounds of thunder.  I panic at the lack of employment, the insufficient funds, the unresolved stressors.  But all I really need is to trust in the arms of Love—to find the place, the Giver, of peace.  And rest.  Rest.    

My, how I struggle with that.  I knew going into this whole life-turned-upside-down-transition mode would be tough.  Among the uncertainties, that was one thing the Lord made clear.  I didn’t, however, anticipate the ways that this would be tough.  So far, the toughest part is the trusting part.  It’s trusting in the midst of the thunder and the rain and the low visibility—that’s the challenge.  But that’s also the reward:  trusting and resting in those arms.

So, what’s my reaction to thunder?  Is it to cry and fear?  Or is it to take advantage of the storm as an opportunity to draw near, to find comfort, to find rest?

What’s your reaction to thunder?

Be blessed, friends.  And find rest.  

Tennessee Adventure: Day 4

So I've lived in Tennessee for a whole four days now.  Whoa.  And I decided that I should probably blog about it.  It seems that, once again, I'm overdue for a blogpost.  This time, I decided to go for a vlog.  Check it out and let me know whatcha think.  :)

(Disclaimer:  I am TERRIBLE at walking whilst carrying my laptop and trying to film.  If you become motion sick easily, be forewarned that this video may induce such illnesses.  Oops..)

So, the video is pretty light-hearted and silly, I know.  But on a deeper level, I wanted to share a few reminders that have been game-changers for me these last few days.  I've fought pity-parties, self-doubt, fear, sadness, frustration, anger, etc.  But that's not where I long to dwell.  Maybe these few reminders can help encourage you, just as they've encouraged me:

1.  Tough isn't bad, tough is just tough.  I repeat:  tough isn't bad, though is just tough.  Say it with me...

2.  His grace is sufficient.  Even when antibiotics aren't.  Even when all I really want is a hug from my momma.  His grace is enough.

3.  Be brave.  It's okay to step out in faith and then mess up.  Nothing says (including  my Creator) that I have to be perfect at this whole moving-to-a-new-state-getting-a-new-job-and-making-new-friends business.  Whew.  That's a relief.  Because I don't have to be perfect means that I can be brave.

4.  He does have a plan.  It may not be my plan and it may not happen in my timing.  But He does have a plan.  I can trust that.

5.  People are just people.  Why did I think that people would be ogres in Tennessee?  They're really no different than MO...other than the accents and extra-poofy hair.  Oh, and the fried food!  Do you know how difficult it was to find unbreaded ANYthing in the freezer section at the grocery store?!  Yikes.

6.  God is in control.  He hasn't brought me here to fall on my face, and if He has, then it's going to be for His glory.  But, really, what are the odds that He's really going to bring me to a point of total trust and then abandon me entirely?  Yeah, not likely even in the least.  He's too good for that.

And, so, there ya have it: a little bit of depth from this scattered brain/heart.  Thanks for reading.  Oh!  And thanks for watching my vlog.  :)


Be encouraged, friends.

Crazy little thing called "Love"

The crazy thing about love is that it really does hit you when you're not looking for it.  It just smacks you in the face and changes everything.  In the best way, of course.

Right about the time I thought my life was totally complete and I was more than comfortable looking out for myself and myself only, December 29, 2012 happened.

Just a month earlier, I'd agreed to go on [yet another] blind date.  What could it hurt, right?  On date day, I was less than enthusiastic about my prearranged outing.  (We'll just blame it on the nerves.)  I had totally psyched myself up for rejection.  This guy was an accomplished West Point graduate, currently in the midst of his Special Forces training.  Why would someone so adventurous and exciting be even remotely interested in me?  I diagram sentences for fun.  I wanted so badly to bail and save myself from what I knew would be imminent rejection.

But I didn't.  I'd made the commitment at New Year's that 2012 would be the year of "yes" for me.  Whatever door the Lord opened in front of me, I would enter.  No more letting fear hold me back.  I can't even begin to explain to you how glad I am that I made that commitment, and how glad I am that the Lord held me to it.  I could have missed an incredible opportunity--and an even more incredible guy--just because of a silly little fear.

Anyway, the course of events that ensued once I talked myself up into hopping in my Jeep included ice skating, a super smooth wipe-out during said ice skating, dinner, driving/walking around downtown, etc.  And it just so happened to be followed by a second date the next afternoon, just before he had to head back to North Carolina.

Then came the phone calls..

Followed by more phone calls.

Spring break approached and was greeted by plane tickets to North Carolina with my name on them.

Easter brought a certain boy from North Carolina and an introduction to my parents.

Then a few more phone calls...

Hopefully you get the picture: my world has been changed by a crazy little thing called love.

Trevor has been a huge blessing in my life.  He's an incredible friend; more thoughtful and encouraging than I could have imagined.  From the very beginning, I knew there was something different about him.    He challenges me and balances me.  He pursues me.  He's smart, determined, funny, strong, and a man of great faith and integrity.  I could continue, but either I'll cry or you'll puke, so I'll let up.

All of that said, I find myself in the midst of a pretty crazy adventure currently--one that I definitely didn't have on my agenda, but one that is surpassing my expectations entirely.  As of the beginning of August, I'll be relocating to Clarksville, Tennessee, which is just outside where Trevor will be posted when he graduates in August.  I'm blown away by how the Lord has already opened doors and is continuing to do so.  He is so faithful, and I'm excited to experience more of His faithfulness and goodness on this new ride!

Of all the emotions I'm experiencing in light of the huge transition happening in my life, I think gratitude is the most overwhelming.  If I have learned nothing else in the last six months, I have learned of God's goodness and grace, two qualities that I can neither possess nor deserve on my own.  He is so good.  And I am so grateful.

Also, I might just be a little bit excited about this whole thing.. :)

Stay tuned for more details!

Love Bug

This month, I had the privilege of writing and teaching a couple of lessons for a Wednesday night series with rbcstudents entitled, "Love Bug."  Darling, right?  I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED getting to sink my teeth into a good research/writing/teaching assignment.  Nerdy?  Perhaps.  But I honestly don't care.  I've had people ask for my notes from those sessions, so I thought I'd post them here, with the hopes that they might be an encouragement to just the right person, at just the right time.  

So, without further ado...

midweek :: Love Bug :: week 1

“True Love”:: 1 John 4:7-19

-Have you ever been in love?  With whom? 

-How did you feel?  How did you know you were in love?

 

That’s great and all.  But so much of our world is focused on a superficial love, a love that happens merely between two people.  What I want to talk with you about over the next couple of weeks is a real love—a true love; a love that comes only in and through our Creator.

 

So, let’s begin by taking a look at what love really is.  You may have your preconceived notions of what love is and what love means.  But for the next two weeks, I’d like you to join me in looking at love and learning about love with a fresh perspective.  I’d like for you to hear about love as if for the first time, forgetting misconceptions you may have and misrepresentations you may have experienced.

 

I’ve got to be honest:  Love is something I’ve completely struggled with in my life.  And I don’t mean just romantically.  I mean that it’s so difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that God is a God of love, that He loves me, fully, completely, unconditionally.  And even now, I struggle to get it all the way, or even a little, really.  But I’ve got to tell you, recently, I started praying and asking God to help me fall in love with Him, to help me see His love for me.  And it’s been absolutely amazing.  So I want to share it with you.  I truly believe that if and when we can come into an understanding of what Love really is and how it really does apply to us, I believe it will transform our lives. 

 

Pray, asking the Lord to make Himself known to us as LOVE, opening our hearts and minds to His truth and His creation of love, nothing less.

 

What is love?

 

Read 1 John 4:7-19. 

 

Let’s break it down.

1. God is love.  Vs. 16

a. Love does not describe the fullness of God, but God defines the fullness of love.

2. Love is a dwelling place.  Vs.  16

a. Abide:  to remain, to continue, to stay; to dwell, to live in; to put up with; to accept without opposition or question; to submit to or agree to. 

b. As a Christian, a Believer in Christ, we live within the sphere of God’s love.  That love is something that we both experience and express. 

c. Romans 8:37-39.  Nothing can shake us from the sphere of God’s love.  Why?  Because God is Love and if we abide in Him, we abide in love. 

3. Love is a haven.

a. Haven:  any place of shelter or safety.

b. Perfect love CASTS OUT fear.  Vs.18-19

c. Cast out:  to throw or expel with violence or force; to reject or dismiss; to shed or drop.

d. Favorite definition:  “to throw or expel with violence or force.”  Love is fierce.  It is not quiet or timid; it is PROTECTIVE, which is why we can dwell there safely.  God’s Love does not diminish or fade; it protects and shelters us.  And therefore, there is NO ROOM FOR FEAR in God’s perfect love. 

e. Illustration:  Remember when you were a kid and you had a bad dream in the night?  What did you do?  Call out to mom and dad, maybe in extreme cases, go and sleep in their room.  Why?  There was safety and protection in their love and in their arms.  That’s such a beautiful picture of a small scale of what God is like with us.  His love is so much greater than our parents’ and if we could place so much trust in them as a haven here on earth, how much more trust could we place in our Creator and Protector, our ultimate Lover? 

f.   Think about your greatest fears or even daily fears for a moment.  One amazing fact about God/Love is that there is NO room for fear in Love.  Perfect Love casts OUT fear.  It offers us acceptance, confidence, companionship, security, truth, loyalty, hope, etc.  That is SO important for us to recognize, believe, and trust.  In love, we don’t have to fear.

g. A mature understanding of God’s love removes any fear of God’s judgment. A person who abides in God’s love will not be ashamed when Jesus returns. 

        i. How is that possible?  How does that make sense? 

4. Love is death on a cross.  Vs. 9-10

     a. Jumping back up a few verses…

     b.This is the ultimate culmination of love:  God made Himself enter the world in the form of man.  He lived  

      perfectly; He loved perfectly.  And then He died IN OUR PLACE. 

     c. Propitiate:  to make favorably inclined; to appease. 

     d. Propitiation:  He took our place.  He made it possible for us to be loved.  By Jesus dying on the cross, we are pardoned, or excused.  Because of that act of love, when God looks on us, He sees Christ.  2 Corinthians 5:21 says that we are the righteousness of Christ.  Why?  How?  Because He is love. And we get to experience that Love.  We get to DWELL in that Love.  We get to TRUST that Love. 

 

Are you overwhelmed yet?  I am.  This is true Love. 

 

In case I haven’t done a good enough job of expressing it to you tonight, I want you to listen to this song.  This is one that has shown me so much over the last couple of months.  It says so much about God as love and how He sees us and uses us. 

 

If, tonight, you haven’t ever experienced Love, if you’ve never met Love, would you come talk with me tonight?  I’d love to pray with you.  I’m praying now, and have been praying already, that the Holy Spirit would be drawing you into an encounter with Love tonight. 

 

Close your eyes and listen to True Love.

 

Play “Beauty for These Ashes” by The Great Exchange. 

 **By the way, HUGE props to The Great Exchange for their recent album release.  It is a stellar piece of work and I highly recommend checking them out:  http://www.thegreatexchangeband.com/  

 

midweek :: Love Bug :: week 2

“In Love”:: 1 John 4:7-10 :: 1 Corinthians 13

Recap last week. 

-We talked about what “True Love” was and what that looked like.  

4 Things about Love

1. God is love. 

-Remember:  Love does not describe the fullness of God, but God defines the fullness of love.

2.  Love is a dwelling place. 

3.  Love is a haven.  

4.  Love is death on a cross.  

 

What is Love?  How is your idea of Love different this week than it was last week?

What have you learned about Love?  Have you experienced TRUE Love? 

 

Now that we know what TRUE Love looks like, let’s take a look at how it plays out in our lives.  I’ve titled tonight’s message, “In Love.”  That’s a phrase that gets tossed around so often.  I wish I could count the number of times that I see people post things, whether on Twitter or on Facebook or on Instagram, about how “in love they are with this boy/girl” or how “in love they are with this band/tv show/celebrity/movie/etc.”  And I just think, “You’re ‘in love’ with ___________?!  That must be a satisfying and fulfilling relationship.”

 

All joking aside, being in love is a serious matter.  As believers, we are called to be in love with Christ, with our Creator.  And beyond that, we are called to be in love as we live our lives.  We were created to LIVE in love.

 

Tonight we’re going to be looking at a passage that is probably very familiar to most, if not all, of you.  It’s often read at weddings, posted around homes, quoted in song lyrics, etc.  Tonight, my prayer is that your eyes, both physical and spiritual, would be open to the Truth and to the contextual meaning of what God’s Word says in this particular passage. 

 

Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13 with me.

 

Pray.

 

What do you naturally think of when you think of 1 Corinthians 13?

 

Check out 1 Corinthians 12 and 1 Corinthians 14.  What do those headings read in your Bible?

 

1 Corinthians 13 is sandwiched in between two chapters that talk specifically about the Body of Christ, the Church.  It’s no coincidence that this chapter detailing how we ought to show love to one another is stuck right between two chapters about relationships between the Body.  LOVE is what binds us together, it’s what connects us.  In fact, when Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthians, he didn’t break it up into chapters or into verses; it was one continuous letter.  (A fairly lengthy one, I might add.)  But Paul intended for the believers in Corinth to apply it to their relationships among one another. 1 Corinthians 13 is a guide for us to use as we struggle with and wrestle through the mess of relationships here on earth.

I submit to you tonight that 1 Corinthians 13 describes the way we treat others when we are 

love.  

So then, what does it look like to be “in love”?  Let’s break down that phrase.

In:  located or situated within; inner; internal; well-liked; included; inward; plentiful; available.

Love:  Recapping last week’s lessons, we learned in 1 John 4 that God Love.  So if we are in Love, then we are in Christ.  

Now, if we are talking about love as an action, love as a feeling, love as a tangibility in our daily lives, then there are a few different types of love that we could consider.  Love is a by-product of

 

Different kinds of love

Eros:  physical sexual desire and not much else

Philos:  suggests esteem and affection found in casual friendship

Agape:  Describes a love based on the deliberate choice of the one who loves, rather than on the worth of the one who is loved.

Agape is the kind of love that Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 13.  

 

Check yourself:  Are you in love?

Illustration:  Use a box with the word “Love” written on it.  If I’m in the box, then everything I do, say, think, feel, etc. has to go through love before it comes out.  If I abide in Love, then my actions, reactions, attitudes, etc. will align with the characteristics in 1 Corinthians 13.

To be in love is not merely a state of being or a description of our affections; rather, it is a constant choice of motivation and operation.  

Are you acting with the motive of love?

Are you following through with the actions, words, etc. that show that you are 

Love?

Galatians 5:22-23 gives us the fruits of the Spirit.  What’s the first one mentioned?  Love. 

How we display love is a direct reflection of where we abide and what state we’re in.  

Check yourself:  How well do you exhibit the attributes of love?  

As I read back through 1 Corinthians 13, I want you to consider each of these characteristics of love.  On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would you rate yourself on each characteristic?

Long-suffering/patience

kindness

not envying

not boasting or parading itself around

not behaving rudely

not self-seeking

is not provoked

thinks no evil--thinks positive or encouraging

does not rejoice in sin

rejoices in truth

bears all things (hold up or support)

believes all things

hopes all things

endures all things

Tonight I want you to spend some time with the Lord, considering and searching your heart in relation to this whole idea of being 

love.  Where do you stand?  If you rated yourself low on any of those categories from 1 Corinthians 13, chances are you may be walking around out of love.  You may have an arm or a leg hanging out, uncovered and unabiding in love.  

My challenge to you tonight:  Be in love.  Let Him cover you.  Let Him be your dwelling place so that your words, your attitudes, your actions are a direct reflection of Him, of love.  If you’ve never encountered True Love, tonight is the perfect time to meet.  And I would love to introduce you.  

Pray. 

2013: Who I Want to Be

Yikes, it's 2013.  How did that happen?  I know it's cliche to say, but it's so true:  it seems like the older I get, the faster time passes.  And I don't like it.  Not one bit.  Along with everyone and his or her brother, I've been doing some reflecting over the last year or so.  So much happened in 2012.  Some things I will treasure forever; others I'd rather just forget.

A few highlights from 2012...
NYC missions/ESL classes, CAMP 2012, OGM Mission Conference in Ecuador, visiting the Equator, Stone family vacay to South Carolina, taking a teaching job, and surviving my first semester of teaching.

As I've looked ahead to 2013 and tried to begin setting my goals, I've hit a brick wall of sorts.  I keep trying to figure out things I'd like to do or marks I'd like to reach, but none of it is really doing it for me.  There isn't anything that I really want to DO in 2013, at least nothing I can put my finger on.  So instead of focusing on what I'd like to do, I've decided to set some goals for who I want to BE, and then let those aspirations mold and shape my actions.

I once had a friend that consistently reminded me, "Jessica, we are called 'human beings' and not 'human doings' for a reason."  She so well knew my tendencies for striving, and not just striving, but striving for perfection in all that I do.  That can be a lot of pressure, especially when it's self-imposed.  So, this year, instead of putting together a list of things I may or may not do and then feel discouraged about later, I'm going to focus my energy on who I'm becoming.

I'm wrestling deeply with the question, "What kind of person do I want to be?"
And here are my answers so far:

1.  I want to be generous--with my time, money, gifts, energy, love, patience.
2.  I want to be fit and healthy.
3.  I want to be a person of integrity.
4.  I want to be filled with joy.
5.  I want to be a person that knows God deeply and follows Him fully, no matter the cost.
6.  I want be full of compassion and empty of judgment.
7.  I want to be truthful and transparent in the way I live.
8.  I want to be confident.
9.  I want to be obedient.
10.  I want to be strong.
11.  I want to be a person who values the input of others, but that does not waver in what I know to be true.
12.  I want to be a person that values others more than myself.
13.  I want to be a person that prays, diligently and deeply.
14.  I want to be a person that trusts, even when there's no reason to.
15.  I want to be bold, not backing down from a challenge or obstacle.
16.  I want to have faith, faith that can move mountains, faith that can bridge the gap.
17.  I want to be respectful, regardless of my opinions and assessments of others.
18.  I want to be a giver, not a taker.
19.  I want to be free, not caught up in superficial or legalistic limitations, but free to worship, free to love.
20.  I want to be a kind person, one that takes the time to show love and goodness through a simple act.
21.  I want to be a fighter, standing strong for what I believe and for those that I love.
22.  I want to be a pianist again.
23.  I want to be an encourager, not a naysayer or a Debbie Downer.
24.  I want to be creative.
25.  I want to be a problem-solver, not a problem-creator.
26.  I want to be a lover.
27.  I want to be loyal.  Period.  End of story.
28.  I want to be gracious, allowing others the freedom to be and become, without penalty.

And what about you, who is it that you want to be?  Before you decide what it is you want to do, would you consider what you want to be?  Would you let that then motivate and inspire you, let who you are and who you're becoming be the driving force behind your actions, and not the other way around?  Be brave.

Happy 2013 to you!