The Joy of the Lord is
my strength.
It’s children laughing,
It’s dancing when everyone’s watching,
and not caring in the least.
It’s quiet prayers.
It’s outraged cries for justice.
It’s stolen passports causing team unity.
It’s generosity beyond ability.
It’s letting go and watching things spiral out of my own
control and into omniscient hands.
It’s trials turned into perseverance,
scars turned into medals of honor.
It’s shame turned into significance,
guilt turned into grace,
and shackles into wings.
The Joy of the Lord cannot be contained in a
single moment, event, sound or image;
No, it abounds within us and around us all,
surpassing our deepest pains and
shouting over our greatest fears.
The Joy of the Lord is
our strength.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
butterfly.
Goodbye to chains,
I knew you well.
You served me well
and did me wrong.
With brand new wings
and heart ablaze,
I'm busting out.
My shell is gone.
The weight I bore
falls to the ground.
The shadows disappear.
The truth is out.
The truth is known
And free I stand.
No more tied down,
I'm flying high
and freedom is my song.
Death to the caterpillar--
I was born to fly.
I knew you well.
You served me well
and did me wrong.
With brand new wings
and heart ablaze,
I'm busting out.
My shell is gone.
The weight I bore
falls to the ground.
The shadows disappear.
The truth is out.
The truth is known
And free I stand.
No more tied down,
I'm flying high
and freedom is my song.
Death to the caterpillar--
I was born to fly.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
be or do?
Tomorrow is a great day. I know that already. Tomorrow we leave for Camp Barnabas and I really could not be more excited. I'm excited for many reasons. One, I get to hang out with our students. I love them. Two, we get to serve other students. That's pretty sweet. Three, we get to serve the Lord in a capacity outside of our everyday routine. I have no idea what to expect. Four, we get to see the Lord do some crazy cool things. I'm already claiming many victories. Five, I get to grow. I know I'm going to be stretched, and I know I'm going to be stretched far. This is thrilling to me. At the same time, if I'm being completely honest, I must admit that I'm scared too.
Over the last few days, as my anticipation, excitement, and nerves have been building, I've been doing a lot of reflecting, a lot of analyzing. It was pretty easy for me to get to the meat behind my eagerness and excitement, but it took a little more probing for me to get to the root of my fear. I think I've nailed it though. After quite a bit of toiling and wrestling, I think I've identified the culprit, the primary cause of my fear: I still struggle with measuring my worth based on my actions. Basically, I focus too much on doing and not enough on being. And as long as I base my worth on actions, on doing, I can never do enough. I can never prepare enough. I can never learn enough or lead enough or pray enough. And then worry and doubt slyly creep in and take root. And suddenly I'm a whirlwind of frustration and fear. Then the frustration and fear multiply and I have to do more in futile efforts to appease them. Seems a little counterproductive to me.
It's always in times like these, in the whirlwinds of life, that God really reminds me of His goodness, of His faithfulness. In Galatians 5, Paul writes regarding freedom in Christ. He addresses the on-going debate about circumcision. In the end, Paul writes, "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6) Paul takes the emphasis off of an action and places it on a way of living; he shifts importance from doing to being. "Faith expressing itself through love." I don't see any specific, tangible action that defines either faith or love. Yes, we ought to show faith and love through tangible actions, but our actions do not define or confine our faith and love.
I'm not saying don't "do," but I am issuing a challenge, to myself and to anyone else interested. What is my focus? Am I so caught up in doing things, in checking off the list and meeting the requirements that I miss fellowship with the Lord--that I miss building community with others? Is my primary focus doing things for God or being with Him and then in turn being the body of Christ?
Psalm 46:10
"Be still..."
Over the last few days, as my anticipation, excitement, and nerves have been building, I've been doing a lot of reflecting, a lot of analyzing. It was pretty easy for me to get to the meat behind my eagerness and excitement, but it took a little more probing for me to get to the root of my fear. I think I've nailed it though. After quite a bit of toiling and wrestling, I think I've identified the culprit, the primary cause of my fear: I still struggle with measuring my worth based on my actions. Basically, I focus too much on doing and not enough on being. And as long as I base my worth on actions, on doing, I can never do enough. I can never prepare enough. I can never learn enough or lead enough or pray enough. And then worry and doubt slyly creep in and take root. And suddenly I'm a whirlwind of frustration and fear. Then the frustration and fear multiply and I have to do more in futile efforts to appease them. Seems a little counterproductive to me.
It's always in times like these, in the whirlwinds of life, that God really reminds me of His goodness, of His faithfulness. In Galatians 5, Paul writes regarding freedom in Christ. He addresses the on-going debate about circumcision. In the end, Paul writes, "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6) Paul takes the emphasis off of an action and places it on a way of living; he shifts importance from doing to being. "Faith expressing itself through love." I don't see any specific, tangible action that defines either faith or love. Yes, we ought to show faith and love through tangible actions, but our actions do not define or confine our faith and love.
I'm not saying don't "do," but I am issuing a challenge, to myself and to anyone else interested. What is my focus? Am I so caught up in doing things, in checking off the list and meeting the requirements that I miss fellowship with the Lord--that I miss building community with others? Is my primary focus doing things for God or being with Him and then in turn being the body of Christ?
Psalm 46:10
"Be still..."
Saturday, February 7, 2009
a new day.
today is a monumental day. what a journey this last year has been. how thankful i am for the freedom that is found only through Christ.
Liberation
With traces of yesterdays not soon forgotten
outlined along her arm,
she raises her eyes to the sky.
The clouds floating above reveal truth
as they spread and comforting light breaks through.
In the light, her scars barely exist;
yet their subtlety screams loudly for all to hear.
“I am healed.
I am free,”
echoes her cry, as she dances in golden fields.
Alone somewhere in her nearby past sits a tattered backpack,
spilling out its now useless contents of Band-Aids and blindfolds.
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32
Liberation
With traces of yesterdays not soon forgotten
outlined along her arm,
she raises her eyes to the sky.
The clouds floating above reveal truth
as they spread and comforting light breaks through.
In the light, her scars barely exist;
yet their subtlety screams loudly for all to hear.
“I am healed.
I am free,”
echoes her cry, as she dances in golden fields.
Alone somewhere in her nearby past sits a tattered backpack,
spilling out its now useless contents of Band-Aids and blindfolds.
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32
Thursday, February 5, 2009
ramblings.
i hate having something to say and lacking the appropriate words to express myself. it's such a tease--that compelling anvil of emotion that begs to be released then can't fit through the allotted space i've provided. it's like waking up and resisting with every ounce of your being the inevitability of unraveling yourself from the perfectly warm cocoon that a glorious night's sleep creates, and finding solace only in the enchanting and inviting beams of sunlight piercing through the blinds, assuring you that the day waits to sweep you away into a world of golden encounters. all of that surrender, all of that motivation, and all of that anticipation only to open the front door and be greeted by a burst of biting below-zero february currents. such a let-down, a complete breach of trust. the words--er, the lack thereof--are no different. cooperation would be nice. yes, i have quickly realized this to be a lofty, intangible idea.
chaos hasn't ever really been my idea of beauty. a book i'm reading describes the human soul as a fractal, a structure that contains an irregular, a fragmented pattern within it. not until i read that did i begin to see the chaos i've detected in my life as positive. i've always prided myself on being organized; i've always tried so hard to have it all "together." the truth is i've never had it together. in my stubborn and human nature, i just never saw it until recently. and at first, i was incredibly embarrassed at my realization. i'm a christian. i'm a role model for students. i'm almost a college graduate. i should have it all together. that's how i felt.
i was buying lies.
if i have it all together, if my life is all figured out, if i know every step along the way, then what need is there for me to trust? if i could do it all on my own, then what would be the need for me to have a relationship with my Creator? the truth is that i don't have it all together. i have nothing of my life figured out. i know very few steps at all. and i definitely can do very little on my own. even then, usually what i do on my own ends up turning out pretty crummy. so i need trust. and even more than trust, i need my Creator. put those two together and you get quite possibly the greatest lesson of my life: i need to trust my Creator. i want to trust my Creator. finally, finally i'm doing it. i'm learning how to trust and i'm learning to be okay with the fractal that is me.
now, i'm buying Truth.
chaos hasn't ever really been my idea of beauty. a book i'm reading describes the human soul as a fractal, a structure that contains an irregular, a fragmented pattern within it. not until i read that did i begin to see the chaos i've detected in my life as positive. i've always prided myself on being organized; i've always tried so hard to have it all "together." the truth is i've never had it together. in my stubborn and human nature, i just never saw it until recently. and at first, i was incredibly embarrassed at my realization. i'm a christian. i'm a role model for students. i'm almost a college graduate. i should have it all together. that's how i felt.
i was buying lies.
if i have it all together, if my life is all figured out, if i know every step along the way, then what need is there for me to trust? if i could do it all on my own, then what would be the need for me to have a relationship with my Creator? the truth is that i don't have it all together. i have nothing of my life figured out. i know very few steps at all. and i definitely can do very little on my own. even then, usually what i do on my own ends up turning out pretty crummy. so i need trust. and even more than trust, i need my Creator. put those two together and you get quite possibly the greatest lesson of my life: i need to trust my Creator. i want to trust my Creator. finally, finally i'm doing it. i'm learning how to trust and i'm learning to be okay with the fractal that is me.
now, i'm buying Truth.
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