Tick-Tock vs. Trust

I've finally accepted the fact that I'm a haphazard blogger.  And by haphazard I mean completely sporadic and quite often overly dramatic.  Since I'm accepting that fact, I'm relinquishing myself from guilt and unnecessary introductions on each new post...beginning next time. This time, I just have to say that I hate that I don't make time to write.  I hate how my writing seems to deteriorate when I don't do it.  And I hate that it's such an outlet for me, yet when I don't write for long periods of time, the act becomes so laborious.  Ugh.  And so I'm forcing myself to write...hopefully it won't be a complete disaster.

They say, "Timing is everything."

Jesus is everything.  Duh.  But part of the brilliance of Jesus being everything is that He holds time in His hand.  I have a horrible tendency to pray for God's plan, and then to obsess over it every step of the way.  "Is this the right door?"  "Is this the right time?"  Ugh, I obsess over knowing the right thing and doing the right thing, at the right time.  Sometimes it feels as if a perpetual alarm clock resides inside my head/heart:  "Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock!"  Talk about inducing anxiety.  My continual struggle is whether or not to give in to the clock and become alarmed (ha) about my quickly passing time and opportunities, or to trust that it's all going to work out.  Can you guess which one I give in to more often?  Erg.  Anyway, I've been learning a little bit about timing lately, both from experience and conversations with people much wiser than myself.  

Two lessons I've been learning lately about timing and God's will.

1) Seeking His perfect timing or will or plan or whatever must not replace seeking Him.

and 

2) His timing really is perfect.

Time for a story.  Recently I found myself annoyed on a Wednesday night.  A student's ride was abnormally late and I was abnormally irritable, tired, and altogether ready to be home.  (None of that is the fault of the student, by the way.)  I was antsy, to say the least.  When, at last, it came time to go home, as I pulled onto Republic Road, I spotted what seemed to be a teenage girl walking along the road, carrying multiple bags.  As I got closer, I recognized her.  I drove past and immediately felt compelled to stop.  Notice I said I drove past...  After only a few seconds of arguing with myself--I was tired, it was late, I wasn't completely positive that I knew who she was--I made a u-turn, swung my Jeep into the Catholic church parking lot, and called out to her.  Thankfully, she recognized me too.  I would've hated to be a creeper.  I offered her a ride and she accepted.  I was so excited to chat with her.  She's attended RBC only twice, by "happenstance."  And, ironically (ha), I'd been thinking of her just recently.  I would never have dreamt that I'd unexpectedly run into her late one Wednesday night, particularly on an evening that I was so eager to be home.

I wonder how often I get so eager about my plans and miss out on His plans, on Him.  Just a thought...

The good news, in my struggle for figuring out timing and plans and such is that I don't really have to figure out any of it.  Because He's got it together, I don't have to worry about it.  The waiting isn't going to be too long.  I'm not going to miss out on Him.  I'm not going to miss out on His plans.  But I am going to miss out on a lot of beauty by continually obsessing over the details.

I've found that my obsession with figuring out everything in my life is really rooted in fear... There's quite a bit to be said about that, but we'll elaborate another time.  For now, I'm finding comfort in these words:

"There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear..."    1 John 4:18


And so it's time to say goodbye to the obsession and planning and the fear that triggers it all; time to throw it all out the door and give into Him.

Perhaps you've got a plan to throw out the window too.  Perhaps you need to stop obsessing and planning and worrying as well.  Don't be afraid; just step out in faith.