a new day.

today is a monumental day. what a journey this last year has been. how thankful i am for the freedom that is found only through Christ.


Liberation

With traces of yesterdays not soon forgotten
outlined along her arm,
she raises her eyes to the sky.
The clouds floating above reveal truth
as they spread and comforting light breaks through.
In the light, her scars barely exist;
yet their subtlety screams loudly for all to hear.

“I am healed.
I am free,”
echoes her cry, as she dances in golden fields.

Alone somewhere in her nearby past sits a tattered backpack,
spilling out its now useless contents of Band-Aids and blindfolds.


“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32

ramblings.

i hate having something to say and lacking the appropriate words to express myself. it's such a tease--that compelling anvil of emotion that begs to be released then can't fit through the allotted space i've provided. it's like waking up and resisting with every ounce of your being the inevitability of unraveling yourself from the perfectly warm cocoon that a glorious night's sleep creates, and finding solace only in the enchanting and inviting beams of sunlight piercing through the blinds, assuring you that the day waits to sweep you away into a world of golden encounters. all of that surrender, all of that motivation, and all of that anticipation only to open the front door and be greeted by a burst of biting below-zero february currents. such a let-down, a complete breach of trust. the words--er, the lack thereof--are no different. cooperation would be nice. yes, i have quickly realized this to be a lofty, intangible idea.

chaos hasn't ever really been my idea of beauty. a book i'm reading describes the human soul as a fractal, a structure that contains an irregular, a fragmented pattern within it. not until i read that did i begin to see the chaos i've detected in my life as positive. i've always prided myself on being organized; i've always tried so hard to have it all "together." the truth is i've never had it together. in my stubborn and human nature, i just never saw it until recently. and at first, i was incredibly embarrassed at my realization. i'm a christian. i'm a role model for students. i'm almost a college graduate. i should have it all together. that's how i felt.

i was buying lies.

if i have it all together, if my life is all figured out, if i know every step along the way, then what need is there for me to trust? if i could do it all on my own, then what would be the need for me to have a relationship with my Creator? the truth is that i don't have it all together. i have nothing of my life figured out. i know very few steps at all. and i definitely can do very little on my own. even then, usually what i do on my own ends up turning out pretty crummy. so i need trust. and even more than trust, i need my Creator. put those two together and you get quite possibly the greatest lesson of my life: i need to trust my Creator. i want to trust my Creator. finally, finally i'm doing it. i'm learning how to trust and i'm learning to be okay with the fractal that is me.

now, i'm buying Truth.