A Hiatus of Sorts..

So it's been over a week since I've had time to even think about blogging. And quite frankly, the fact that I'm stressed about blogging seems a little counter productive to me at this point. I'd love to have time for writing; it's such a great outlet. But, due to a vast amount of personal stuff I need to deal with, along with a very sparse amount of free time I'm currently experiencing, it seems like a wise move for me to lay off of blogging for a bit. In all honesty, I've got a lot on my plate, and I need to sort through it inwardly before I can process externally. So, my dear blogger friends, consider this a fond-and temporary-adieu, a hiatus for now. When the time is right, I will pick it up again. Until then, I'll still read your writings and pray blessings on you.

Until next time, friends.

Day 98

This morning I made some super yum oatmeal. Ingredients: oats (obviously), vanilla Activia, raw honey, blueberries, and raisins, topped with a sparse handful of sunflower seeds. Not only was it delish, but it was filling too. I hate eating oatmeal and then being hungry 2 hours later so I try with all my might to bulk it up. I just love it too much to not eat it.

Also, today I had a considerably good "poof" day. I'm just sayin. Those have been few and far between over the last few months, as my winter pixie cut has grown. I'm so ready to have long hair...we'll see if I last. I tend to stink at fighting the bite of the short hair bug.

Please pardon the massive under-eye circles (it's CAMP week) and the awesome bathroom stenciling. :o)

It's CAMP week, and I'm pretty stinking excited. In fact, we leave tomorrow. I think I've got nearly everything accomplished on my end; I just gotta pack up things in the office and hit the road first thing tomorrow morning. I'm so ready to see what God does this week. It never fails; big things always happen. I'm eager...and I'm tired. I've gotta rest up for a week of adventure and fun!

Talk to you soon, bloggie friends!

Day 97: Learning to wait

Warning: This may be a rambling post of sorts. Be forewarned. Also, I am pictureless.

If ever a book was written about my life, the title and subject must include some reference or nod, at least, to waiting. I hate waiting. I think the Lord knows that too. Obviously I don't have it mastered either, otherwise I don't think He would continue to give me all the opportunities to learn how to wait.

Right now I am wrestling with waiting in so many different areas. And I loathe it. I know there's a purpose, sure, but I struggle with seeing that clearly. Mostly, I just feel unproductive in the playing the waiting game. Whether it's waiting in traffic (I will actually take an alternate route and go out of my way to avoid congested intersections or long lines of traffic), in relationships, in test results, in baking: waiting is not my strong suit. How I'm just suddenly realizing this for the first time, I have no idea. But I am. And it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. Literally, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my repeatedly over the past few weeks.

It's not that I don't like waiting for no reason. Oh, there are plenty of reasons. The biggest one currently is the pain in the process, the angst in trying to "figure it out" before the ending is revealed. Oy. I'm up to my knees in ill-fitting pieces and making very little progress in deciphering the bigger picture. And that's just it. I know that no matter how hard I try, I will not be able to figure it out. And I don't think I'm supposed to. But being still, being patient, and being quiet while I wait are so challenging for me. What am I supposed to do while I wait? My nature is that of a doer. Doers don't do so well in the waiting process.

As I write this post, I feel like I'm continuing to realize more about my perspective on waiting. The waiting itself is one thing; dealing with what seems to be the cessation of action and the mounting anxiety and anticipation of what's to come is exhausting. And it requires so much trust. That's the real kicker. If ever a second book were written about my life, it most definitely should discuss my trust struggles. I know that I'm supposed to trust and I know that I'm supposed to wait, to trust; I've read it, I've heard it, I've prayed about it. Putting it into action? Something entirely different. So, I'm making it my mission: learn to wait and trust, simultaneously. In reality, I think that the two really complement each other.

I know that waiting on the Lord is in my best interest and will ultimately bring Him the most glory, and in my heart of hearts, it's my desire. So I'll do it, grinning and bearing it every step of the way.

Please tell me that you've struggled with waiting at some point too... I'm completely open to advice/stories to learn from. :)

In the mean time, I'll be here. Waiting..

Day 96

Church today was super intense. I so needed to hear Andy's message. He preached from Psalm 28, sharing about how to take a journey of pain to a point of praise. I might as well have started the day without eyeliner because by the time I left church, it was nearly all washed off. Seriously, it was a cleansing time of worship. I left feeling a little lighter than when I had arrived. I think that's how "church" is supposed to be.

How was your worship today? I certainly hope it was cleansing.

Days 94 & 95: KC roadtrip

As I've shared before, my bestie Rachel is getting married! The countdown is officially 2 weeks from tomorrow. Last night, we bridesmaids threw her a shower at the Plaza in Kansas City. It was a quick trip, but well worth it to help celebrate my fabulous friend!

Roadtrip essentials!

The view from our balcony

Our view after dark...love the city!

My new friend Sarah! :)

The bride and me..isn't she stunning?!

For your random reading pleasure: My sister went floating today with some highschool friends and came home about 3 shades away from leather. I'm definitely jealous of her hues currently. After a really nasty warming from my dermatologist a few weeks ago, I'm basically forbidden to tan intentionally. So, I'm seriously contemplating sunless tanner. Anyone had any luck with said lotions? What brand(s) do you recommend?

Have you done anything fun this weekend? If not, do it. NOW. Or tomorrow... :)

Good night, bloggies!

Day 91-93: Caught in a Whirlwind

Clearly I've been slacking in the blog department. I have no excuse other than the fact that I'm out of the habit and that my life has been a complete whirlwind since I got back from Jamaica. I know I'm behind in my 365 pictures, and honestly, I'm going to just have to give myself permission to be behind.

Tuesday I took some time for myself. Next week is CAMP and I can't afford to not be on top of my game, if I can help it at all. So, naturally, I went for a drive. I'm not sure what it is about driving that I find so freeing, but it completely tranquilizes me, usually in a relatively short period of time. It'd been ages since I'd gone for a cruise until this week. Why do I do that to myself? I've got to do better at giving myself space. Tuesday was a perfectly good reminder of that. I drove out to my spot. Yes, it's secret. Much to my dismay, my normal spot to park and find peace was completely blocked off. So, I kept driving. Normally, I would have gone just a little farther before turning around. But I didn't. I followed every twist and curve in the back country roads until I just didn't feel like driving anymore.

And it was glorious. And meaningful. And so much more than just a drive.

Lately, I feel like the Lord has been teaching me a lot about trust. (Yes, still.) On a small scale, driving-with no map, no directions, and no knowledge of which roads go where-symbolizes that trust for me. For once I actually trusted. I let go and just went with it. And it was so freeing. If that's a taste of what true trust looks like and produces, then I can't wait to see where this journey of learning trust will take me.

That must be what He wants for us: freedom in Him. I struggle so much with getting bogged down in distractions, obligations, stressors, etc, that prohibit true freedom and discourage my trust in the Lord. In Jamaica, I experienced more freedom than I've felt in a long time, due in part to the fact that I was completely detached from the normal things that hold me down, but also due to the fact that the entire trip and preparation for the trip required tremendous trust for me. (I'll elaborate more in my next Jamaica post, which is currently a work in progress. Processing takes some time!) Anyway, I feel like I'm tasting this for the first time, and my thirst is not yet quenched. That means I've still got work to do.

I suppose I should wrap up my ramblings for the evening.

No matter where you are, I hope you're trusting. And free.

crossroads

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Days 81-90: Jamaica recap numero uno

Hello, dearest friends! It's been a little while since we've last met, and I'm eager to share all about our Jamaican adventures. So much happened in such a short amount of time; I'm so glad I journaled because I know I've already begun to forget the little things.

We began our journey on Saturday, June 25th, and drove to KC where we checked in for a mere five hours of sleep at the Holiday Inn. (Side note: Holiday Inn/Hampton Inn always has the best beds! Even a few hours is worth it.) Sunday started with a 3am wake-up call, a not-so-lovely wake-up call, might I add. Ugh. We flew from KC to Atlanta, to Montego Bay, then took a bus from Montego Bay to Harmons. The flights were smooth and pleasant; customs and the 3 hour mountain bus ride, not so much. I think dealing with the Jamaican customs agent that did NOT want to allow one of our girls into the country ranks up there with one of my most intense/scary experiences of my life. Thankfully, by the grace of God, the agent finally relented. When I say "by the grace of God," I mean it with every fiber of my being. No words or explanations that I had came anywhere close to satisfying his perpetual interrogation. All I could do was pray.

Sunday night when we arrived in Harmons, we had a Jamaican dinner of patties (basically like beefy hot pockets with thinner crust) and soup (yes, soup in June!). We quickly transitioned into a brief orientation and then an unpacking party in which we sorted all of the donations that our teams had packed. By the time bed time rolled around, we basically qualified as the walking dead. I'm not sure that I've ever slept as heavy as I did in a foreign place as I did that night.

Monday began with a walking tour of Harmons in the morning, followed by an afternoon of working. Our work site assignments varied each day. Basically, we spent the week building two complete houses, pouring two foundations for the next teams to build on, digging a pit for a family to have a septic system installed, and hauling maul.

Oh, hauling maul.... Maul is limestone that is used to mix with concrete and sand to make the walls of the houses we build. Before a house can be built, the foundation has to be poured. But before the foundation can be poured, the ingredients for the foundation have to be in the appropriate place for mixing and building. Jamaica does not have all the technology that America has. There are no concrete trucks. There are, however, dump trucks, dump trucks that haul the maul as far up the mountain as possible. But humans, ie our team members, are used to haul the maul the rest of the way up the mountain. So, we formed a human assembly line up the mountain and shoveled maul into bags to pass up the mountain, dump at the top, then send back down to be refilled. Picture a steep hill. Now make it steeper, add large rocks, several twists and turns, a few nearly vertical points, and figure in the Caribbean sun, and you've got yourself a tough day. Bottom line: hauling maul is not for the faint of heart. I was so proud of our team; they worked so hard and accomplished every bit of what we set out to do. And they complained very little. :)

Building houses was a really cool process. It was nothing like building a house in America, short of the basic concept (foundation, frame, walls, roof, etc.). The walls were styrofoam caged by wire grids that we stood between the rebar protruding from the foundation and then secured with wire twist ties. After the walls were upright and stable, we mixed concrete-by hand-, and lathered it on the styrofoam until the walls were as thick as the window frames were deep. This was a lengthy and potentially frustrating process, especially if the temperature wasn't high enough for the concrete to stick. After the initial layer of concrete, we leveled the walls and then began the second layer. The second layer was applied through a super scientific method called "flinging." Basically, you gather the putty (concrete, sand, and maul mixture) on your trowel and fling it on the wall. Easier said than done. Really, flinging is more of an art than method. (This is funny for those who have attempted flinging and been unsuccessful during any part of the endeavor.) After the second layer dries, the third layer is applied. Throughout the process of applying the third layer of concrete, "rubbing" occurs. "Rubbing" requires smoothing the walls with a smoothing tool until there are no holes or uneven portions of the wall. Maybe it was my attention to detail, or maybe it was just sheer determination, but I got to be super good at rubbing. In fact, Bigga, my Jamaican supervisor for the day, complimented me by calling me a Jamaican and saying that I was "A mason, mon!" I do not take this compliment lightly, as the Jamaicans are the hardest workers I've ever met and also quite concerned with detail and quality too.

That's quite a technical, detailed account of our work projects for the week. If you made it through all of that, bless you.

Rest assured, although I just spent nearly 30 minutes pounding out the physical details of our projects, there are many spiritual details to share as well. However, they will have to be saved for another post, as this girl is super sleepy.

I'll end out with a few of my fave pics from the week.

Expect more Jamaican details in posts to come. For now, that's all she wrote, folks. Thank you, so very much, for all of your prayers for our team! It was most definitely a successful trip!

xoxo