well, i did it. i cleared another hurdle. obviously it wasn't me alone; it was clearly Christ in me. really, all i did was yield to him and allow him to be my strength. that's no small task. at least not according to my track record. i have a history of NOT trusting. and wimping out. and worrying. and succumbing to anxiety. but none of that happened. not this time. i held my ground and didn't cower to the enemy. it wasn't easy. oh boy, was it difficult. but no one ever said this world was made for sissies. it's clearly not. the best way to survive--the ONLY way to survive and be effective--is to surrender to my weakness and allow Christ and Christ alone to be my strength. all other efforts are futile. i seem to learn this lesson slowly. but i'm so glad that i serve a God of unlimited patience and grace. there's no cut-off for how many tries i have to get it right. if there were, i'm pretty sure i would have surpassed that number long, long ago.
the Lord has brought me through so many challenges in the last nine months. i hate how that sounds because i always thought it was such a cliche kind of thing to say. and it always sounded so fake to me. but now i have discovered that there is no other way to say it: God IS my refuge and strength. period. no question about it. even when i don't feel Him, even when i don't acknowlege Him, even when i don't please Him, respect Him, fear Him, or love Him, He is still my refuge and strength. and He takes great delight in being such. why has it taken me so long to let Him? and why do i continue to struggle with this? these things i do not know. but one thing i am sure of: He is unrelenting. this i am constantly learning.
