out with normal.

Normally, I blog here only when I have something to say well. Tonight, I'm here to say, "Out with normal." Sometimes there are things I'd like to say, and I'd like not to worry about necessarily saying them "well."

So, here begins my first time saying a few things outside of my own standards.

Since am I so partial to making lists in nearly every area of my life, why should I let bloggerland be any different?

Things to say:

1. This week was most ridiculous. Nearly every day was exhausting, to the point of deep discouragement and heart break in a couple of cases.

2. I complained a LOT this week. (Anyone know exactly how much a 'lot' is? I often wonder.)

3. This morning, I ventured out quite early to pick up a few things at Walgreen's. (For the record, 8:30 is quite early on a Saturday.) On my way home, bored with the usual radio station, and too lazy to plug in my iPod for the 4 minute drive, I landed on a new frequency. I have no idea what the station was, who was speaking, or to whom he was speaking. I do know this though: I needed to hear the 2 minutes that I heard. The reminder I received: God is good. Even in the midst of the Apostle Paul's most dire situations, he continually gave God the glory. He didn't spend much time complaining in his epistles. He may explain his current situation, but even at that, he quickly gets to his purpose for the folks he addresses. And his overwhelming purpose was to glorify His Creator.

4. Lesson for the week: Sometimes life stinks. Always God is good.

And that's all she's writing tonight, folks. Enjoy your weekend.

today's a day.

there are days that i am so preoccupied with myself and the things of this world that i forget my purpose, my passion, and my pursuit. let's be real: those days are more often than not. i frequently get bogged down with my checklist at work, that i so easily (or not so easily on some days, depending on the tasks given) breeze through and then document on my timesheet. i get caught up in "doing" ministry and i forget why i do it. and what i'm doing, for that matter.

today's a day that i'm heavy though. i'm heavy with the weight of the world. the realization that i carry the hope of the world in my heart, that is sinking in thickly today. i believe it was probably prompted by a compelling group discussion i participated in yesterday evening. nevertheless, i'm glad to be heavy. it's been a while since i've wrestled with things outside of my own concern. how selfish am i? disgusting.

anyway, today is just one of those days that i don't feel like being productive in the sense that the world requires. i want to be productive for the kingdom and nothing else. i want to just sit and share with someone who doesn't know Truth. i want to listen and absorb weight as it drips off the heart and tongue of someone who's been heavy with grief and loneliness for far too long.

today, i just want to love by being. that's all.

so i thought i would share.

prepare me to love. open my heart to your desires and your ways. empty me of my needs and my wants and fill me with yours. give me eyes to see hearts heavy with bondage and give me courage to shine light in dark places.

on love: an outstanding conclusion of sorts.

Love cannot be earned.
It simply cannot be so.
It is not a right, a duty, or a responsibility.
It is not a game, a prize, an accolade, approval, or even acknowledgment.

Love is a gift.

It is unwarranted and incomprehensible.
It doesn't make sense, fit into a box, or rhyme a certain way.
It's not convenient or pretty.
Love isn't easily defined or even remotely measurable.

Love is a free gift.

Free.
Gift.

And it is completely unending.
It knows no boundaries or landscapes.
No mountain can surpass it;
no valley can contain it.
It is a constant, steady stream, a mighty flow.
Love cannot be reversed or filtered.

Love is a gift.

There are no apologies for love;
no expectations and certainly no exceptions.

It is inerrant and inescapable;
unrelenting and unreserved.

Love is a gift.

Love never fails.
God is love.

Fractured Truth.

A new kind of survival mode arises
as weak fights off weakest.
The staunch scent of death
rises through the breath of innocent passers by.
A curious couple momentarily pauses to peer
into the looking glass,
unaware that the reflection revealed
portrays only their truest reality, distorted.

Lies drip easily off the tongue
like pearls elegantly strung linger around the neck.
Fiery darts soar victoriously
while the clean-up crew stands by.

"Move along, folks. Nothin' here to see;
just death in this life of a mess."

Redemption.

He who knew no sin
was pierced for mine.
The blood He shed
pooled from my stains.

His sacrifice
was no small price.
My loss is no small gain.

The hands that bear
the scars of scorn
are my only saving grace,
my only healing,
my only hope.