When words fail, google Sara Teasdale

Sometimes words fail me. At those points, I often consult better equipped writers than myself. This has got to be one of my all-time favorite poems. And set to music, it's even better. Yes, I am an avid fan of well-written poetry. This particular one has been on my mind lately for some reason. Naturally, I thought I'd share. For all you fellow hopeless romantics out there, enjoy. For all others, prepare to be converted.

To E.

I have remembered beauty in the night,

against black silences I waked to see

a shower of sunlight over Italy

and green Ravello dreaming on her height;

I have remembered music in the dark,

the clean swift brightness of a fugue of Bach's,

and running water singing on the rocks

when once in English woods I heard a lark.

But all remembered beauty is no more

than a vague prelude to the thought of you--

you are the rarest soul I ever knew,

lover of beauty, knightliest and best;

my thoughts seek you as waves that seek the shore,

and when I think of you, I am at rest.

~Sara Teasdale

The top 10 things

on my mind right now are as follows:

10. Tomorrow. It's our fall kick-off for small groups, which means all of our recent changes are in full effect. I'm facilitating all the junior high small group details at 9am, then both junior high and senior high small groups at 10:30am. I'm so ready, but so nervous. I just want everything to go well.

9. Next Sunday. So much time went into the details for tomorrow morning. Will I be able to keep up each week?

8. Grad school. Holy mac... Classes started last Monday. I got accepted on Thursday, registered for classes on Friday, and accessed my account Saturday (today). I have a paper due Sunday (tomorrow) and textbooks coming in the mail next week. Yikes. Welcome back to school.

7. Grad school. I'm super excited to be a student, to learn, to study, to grow, to write... SO excited. Oh, by the way, I'll be attending Dallas Baptist University via their online program for Master's in Christian Education: Student Ministry. Seriously, I'm so excited. Did I mention I'm excited? I love school. Weird, I know.

6. Worship. There's been a lot of it happening in my life lately. And it's been so good for me. Note to self: make it consistent. Last night I, along with some super solid friends, attended a worship gathering at High Street Baptist Church. God was evident. I so needed that.

5. My mom. She's having a (non life-threatening, but pretty invasive) surgery on Wednesday morning. Please pray for her, her doctor, and for our family over the next few weeks as she recovers. It'll be a process.

4. Rest. Life has been in a constant state of motion. Even in the midst of changes and busyness, I've sensed the Lord's hand distributing peace and rest in my life. It doesn't make sense the chaos and peace could coexist. I guess that's the mystery of the "peace that passes understanding..."

3. Shin splints. I can't get rid of them! Any ideas/suggestions/tips are more than appreciated. :)

2. You. How are you? What's going on in your life? You've been on my mind.

1. James (the book in the Bible). We're beginning a church-wide study of James tomorrow morning. This week we're studying and discussing James 1:1-12. The main idea: trials are an inevitable part of life. No matter what comes our way, we choose whether we handle the trials with a bitter attitude, or whether we embrace them as an opportunity to grow, to become better. That's been on my heart a lot this week. I'm so grateful that the Lord doesn't give us trials for no reason. His desire is for us to be complete, lacking nothing, as James says. And those trials are His way of getting us to that point, developing within us perseverance. Anyone else glad that the hurdle in your life isn't pointless?! Sheesh, He's faithful.

That's all I've got for now, bloggie friends. I gotta knock out some discussion board postings and devotion readings for grad school. Woot!

Happy Saturday evening!

some fresh ramblings

This morning was the 27th Annual Bilyeu Family Concert at Ridgecrest. Southern Gospel may not be my favorite genre of music, but I honestly eagerly anticipate this event each year. God always speaks, and this morning was no disappointment. This year's theme of "Peace" couldn't have been more fitting for so many, I know, and myself included. Wouldn't you know that woven throughout the theme of peace were threads of patience and waiting? Funny how the Lord orchestrates things.

After church this morning, I did some housework, made some pancakes, then turned off my phone and just relaxed for a few hours (a rare Sunday, for sure). Throughout the day I had plenty of time to process the threads of peace and waiting, and just exactly how they fit into my life. Mind you, I don't have it anywhere close to figured out. But I do have a few fresh thoughts to share. Here goes:

First, waiting is not the absence of hope, but in fact, the very evidence of such. Waiting requires trust, trust being something that I may severely lack currently, but by the end of this process I surely will not. Secondly, waiting doesn't require inaction. It's not designed to be a stagnant time. In fact, waiting can be a very active process. Tonight as I drove to my parents' house I heard the song "While I'm Waiting," by John Waller. (Back to the Lord's sense of humor...) Anyway, I love that he says, "I will serve You while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting." Serving and worshipping require intentionality, action, surrender, and trust. All of this is so tightly woven together. Third, despite the storms that rage during the waiting process, the Lord offers peace freely, should I choose to accept it. It's my choice whether or not I allow the wind and waves to rock my world, or if I set my feet on The Rock and let Him speak peace into my life.

What a day for truth, for a fresh breath of air. I needed it so badly.

So now, to you, what are you doing during your waiting process? How are you in the midst of your storms? I hope you're finding peace.

You know those times...

...when you are busting at the seams with so much to talk about but at the same time have absolutely nothing to say all at once? That is so me these days. So much is going on in my brain and in my heart, but rarely do I stumble across the proper words for processing and releasing said thoughts. However, I also know that since writing is an outlet for me, sometimes I just have to begin the process and see what happens. Well, it's high time I started writing. Let's see what happens, shall we?

The last several weeks (maybe months, maybe most of my life, really), the Lord has been speaking to me a lot about waiting. And when I say speaking to me a lot, mostly I just mean He keeps saying, "Wait." Yep. Over and over. Do you ever hear that from Him?

Wait on that relationship. Wait for that promotion. Wait on the timing for that major purchase. Wait for wisdom. Wait for discernment. Wait for a friend. Wait until I say move. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Which somehow all translates into weight for me. Can I get an "Amen?!"

Why is it that the more ambiguous the Lord's will for my life seems, the heavier I feel? I tend to take on the wait of the world when I don't have a clear answer. And why is it that "Wait" classifies as an ambiguous answer? It's actually not ambiguous at all. It's quite clear, really. The only thing that's not completely crystal is what do to in the waiting process. Which is almost exactly where the weight transpires for me. What does waiting look like?

The last few days I've done something bold: I've gotten honest--almost completely...we're still working on that--with the Lord. I've talked a lot, told Him how I felt about the whole waiting process and how confusing it is to me. And He's responded. Not with a 5-step plan or strategy to clarify my actions in this season, but with Words, with comfort and faithfulness. Here are a few of those words:

"I would have lost heart unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14

And also Psalm 28:6-9, Psalm 29:10-11, Psalm 30:11-12, Psalm 31:24, Psalm 34:18-19, Psalm 37:7-9, Psalm 40, Psalm 42:11, Psalm 51:10-13, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 56:4&11, Psalm 91, Psalm 102.

Yes, that's a lot. And, no, I don't have them memorized. But I intend to do just that. I so want to make the most of this whole waiting season, however long it lasts, and what better way than soaking in the words He speaks?

So I know this is a bit of a ramble post. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that may be the case for quite some time as I figure out a little bit more each day as this journey continues. Feel free to stay tuned, if you're up for the rambling road.

I hope you're being blessed, friends.