Tomorrow is a great day. I know that already. Tomorrow we leave for Camp Barnabas and I really could not be more excited. I'm excited for many reasons. One, I get to hang out with our students. I love them. Two, we get to serve other students. That's pretty sweet. Three, we get to serve the Lord in a capacity outside of our everyday routine. I have no idea what to expect. Four, we get to see the Lord do some crazy cool things. I'm already claiming many victories. Five, I get to grow. I know I'm going to be stretched, and I know I'm going to be stretched far. This is thrilling to me. At the same time, if I'm being completely honest, I must admit that I'm scared too.
Over the last few days, as my anticipation, excitement, and nerves have been building, I've been doing a lot of reflecting, a lot of analyzing. It was pretty easy for me to get to the meat behind my eagerness and excitement, but it took a little more probing for me to get to the root of my fear. I think I've nailed it though. After quite a bit of toiling and wrestling, I think I've identified the culprit, the primary cause of my fear: I still struggle with measuring my worth based on my actions. Basically, I focus too much on doing and not enough on being. And as long as I base my worth on actions, on doing, I can never do enough. I can never prepare enough. I can never learn enough or lead enough or pray enough. And then worry and doubt slyly creep in and take root. And suddenly I'm a whirlwind of frustration and fear. Then the frustration and fear multiply and I have to do more in futile efforts to appease them. Seems a little counterproductive to me.
It's always in times like these, in the whirlwinds of life, that God really reminds me of His goodness, of His faithfulness. In Galatians 5, Paul writes regarding freedom in Christ. He addresses the on-going debate about circumcision. In the end, Paul writes, "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6) Paul takes the emphasis off of an action and places it on a way of living; he shifts importance from doing to being. "Faith expressing itself through love." I don't see any specific, tangible action that defines either faith or love. Yes, we ought to show faith and love through tangible actions, but our actions do not define or confine our faith and love.
I'm not saying don't "do," but I am issuing a challenge, to myself and to anyone else interested. What is my focus? Am I so caught up in doing things, in checking off the list and meeting the requirements that I miss fellowship with the Lord--that I miss building community with others? Is my primary focus doing things for God or being with Him and then in turn being the body of Christ?
Psalm 46:10
"Be still..."
