Day 32

Ok, friends, it's time for me to get brutally honest: today was a really tough day for me. I'm not really sure why today of all days. Every time I turned around today I was fighting a funk. Do you ever have days like that? It was a constant battle to be positive and not let my frustration out on those closest to me. For the record, I failed miserably several times today. I hate it when that happens, and I'm sure those closest to me do too. Ugh. Since I'm being so honest, I might as well go ahead and admit that yesterday was tough too. I think being out of my workday routine threw me a little bit...and the reality of my cast/crutches situation finally came to a head and I actually had time and space to expel some of the pressure I didn't realize I'd been holding.

This morning during my quiet time I discovered a major contributor to my negative disposition: I've allowed a few chinks in my armor to develop. Whenever my routine gets thrown off (Exhibit A: this week!), the first thing to go time-wise is my time in the Word. I tend to see it as the most flexible and when I'm running late, it's so easy to cut it short. Not only have I cut it short this week, I've also bulled up a bit and not been completely honest with the Lord. That definitely allows room for the enemy to take up residence, albeit temporary, and just plain ticks me off! He makes himself way too comfortable among my thoughts, which translates into my attitude, words, and actions. Seriously, what a powerful cycle! It's time to change directions though, and get this ship back on course.

For me, the first step is being painfully honest with the Lord (and with you, as it so happens). And I just need to say I do not like my current situation. I'm struggling with letting go of my pride and allowing others to help me; not letting my worth and identity to rush down the pipes alongside my independence; keeping my focus on the Lord and not on my temporary circumstances; and finally, my self-image--do you know what changing an active girl's workout routine does? Ha, but seriously. It's really tough for me.

So why am I telling you all this? No, I don't want your pity, and no I'm not trying to whine (although I do almost have the art perfected). Well, first of all, I do want to be honest and confront the truth, rather than allow lies/hidden frustrations to consume me. There's so much freedom in being honest! Secondly, and selfishly, I'm humbly asking for your prayers--not prayers for an easy journey, but prayers that God would be glorified most in my inability; that I would be humble enough to yield to Him and His purposes in this brief season. Lastly, and most importantly, I want you to know that if you're struggling, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, or all of the above, you are NOT alone. Don't hide in the darkness of your pain or struggles; step into the light of truth and be free from the enemy's grip.

Like I said, today was a tough day. But even as I think back over my struggles, I'm reminded of all that I have currently, and all that I have to look forward to and be thankful for. My situation is completely temporary and I am still able to function semi-normally in so many areas. In the midst of my frustration, I'm completely overwhelmed with gratitude. I know that no matter what I say, do, or how I react, God is still working. And that's so comforting.

Enough with the frustration and all that....some really great things did happen today. My dear friend Amber graduates from SBU in two weeks, and today was her graduation party up in Camdenton. The sweet girls pictured below were so gracious to drive down from BoMo to pick me up and take me with them to the party. I think we had a pretty good time. Take a gander and enjoy. :)

So my sunglasses broke, while I was holding them. Yep, just fell apart.

So strange. Thus, the lop-sided shades.

Ok, lovelies, here's to brighter days and bolder truths in our futures! Be free and be healed.