give thanks.

So it’s Thanksgiving week, and naturally, I’ve been feeling a little sentimental.  Whether it’s too much time spent counting my blessings, or dreading the thought of celebrating another birthday, I’m not sure.  Regardless, I’ve been doing some thinking on the whole idea of “giving thanks.” 

We have been given so much and it's really easy to take it all for granted, especially the busier we get.  God's Word mentions over and over again that we are to give thanks.  Throughout the Psalms and scattered about 1 and 2 Chronicles is the phrase "give thanks."  Each instance gives reasons that we are to express our gratitude to the Lord.  My favorite is 1 Chronicles 16:34 that says, "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever!"  

Until recently, I'd always thought of the phrase, "Give thanks," as an act that happens between us and God, like telling Him thank you for all that He has done and all that He has given us.  Recently, though, the sheer grammar of the phrase struck me (crazy, I know), and I began to consider the implications of the command.

“To give” is a transitive verb that requires some sort of object following it to complete the thought, whether it’s a direct or indirect object varies depending on the sentence.  It means “to present voluntarily and without expectation.”  Talk about power-packed.  Then “thanks” in this case is a noun functioning as the object in the verb phrase.  “Thanks” is an expression of gratitude or appreciation. 

What if, instead of looking at giving thanks from an egocentric perspective, we considered it as an opportunity to give someone else a reason to be thankful?  What if we rewired our thinking to put someone else’s needs, concerns, even their gratitude before our own? 

How can I literally “give thanks”? 

Just some food for thought...

And now, some thanksgiving entertainment for you, thanks to Abi’s adorable daughter and Daniel’s good humor.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!  

the mood monster

I swear there's a mood monster hiding in the recesses of my heart and making appearances when I least expect it.  Ugh.  I thought I would outgrow that with the teen years... HA.  Oh no, that didn't happen.

Exhibit A:
This morning began beautifully with a wake up text from my dad, letting me know he was praying blessings on me today.  First of all, that was a pleasant and unplanned occurrence.  My dad texts me pretty often, but not generally first thing in the morning, and not generally with a message that catches me as off-guard as this one did.  Needless to say, I was so encouraged (not even annoyed that the text notification woke me up before my alarm) by his words.  Doesn't it just make all the difference to know someone is praying for you?  So good.

The rest of my day went something like this...

• Impromptu staff meeting.  Not a big deal at all, in fact it was necessary, but not planned into my schedule.  Mood:  Optimistic, but feeling slightly challenged by the waning window of time I had to get everything done.  
• Errands all around town causing stress and slight amounts of frustration at the mounting realization that my lunch hour was quickly being sucked dry by figuring fabric dimensions more times than I can recall.  Mood:  Tired and insecure about my fabric (and mathematical) skills.  Erg.  
• Lunch on the go.  Again, not a big deal normally, but for some reason, on Wednesdays this really throws me off.  Mood: Stressed!  Not time to relax and prepare my spirit for worship later.  
• Afternoon office work and prep for Wednesday night services.  Mood:  Excited for the evening!
• Band practice.  Mood:  Mellow mostly; slightly distracted by what I didn't get accomplished.
• Flipping pancakes for the band and student volunteers.  So fun.  Mood: Fun, but stressed about time crunches.
• midweek student service.  Worship, prayer, speaking, worship, etc.  Mood: Peaceful.  Enjoyed God's presence and being with the students.
• After midweek gatherings, meetings etc.  Cleaning up from midweek, answering questions about upcoming services and events, shooting promo videos, finishing touches on Sunday services... Mood: Fun and laid back in the beginning; stressed, exhausted, and altogether snappy by the end.

"Hi, I'm Jessica, the human pinball machine."  Ping-ping-ping.  Happy, stressed, excited, mellow, grumpy.  Yikes.  Sometimes I overwhelm myself.  And I get so irritated with ME.  Does that ever happen to you?

I'm learning that I can't rely on myself or trust myself like I think I can; sometimes I'm just too fickle!  I've got to always look to the Lord, even when I think I'm coasting, when I'm on that high; I've got to continue to look to Him.  He's the Rock that can't be shaken.  I don't know why I am the way that I am or what I feel the way that I feel.  But I know He does.  And I know I can rely on Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

music and the body of Christ

I love music.  Like I really, really, really love music.  Most types of music I maintain appreciation for.  Several specifics tend to resonate more profoundly with my soul though, one of those being choral music. This weekend I went to the South-Central District Honor Choir concert.  It was such a treat.  I don't really know how to describe it, honestly.  So many memories of musical performance days came rushing back to me in an instant, even as I just walked (briskly, mind you) across the lawn leading to Evangel's auditorium.  I went alone and sat alone (until I happened to turn and see some fellow church members looking for a place to sit) and I completely enjoyed it.  Actually, I think I needed to be alone and process some things on my own as I listened and took in all the sounds and textures.  I may or may not have shed a few tears in the processing process.

I know I sound like a total music nerd, but I don't really care.  Something about the tones, the swells, the rhythms, the harmonies, the fullness; all of it transports me out of this world and into a place of total peace and contentment.

Since the concert on Saturday, I've spent a lot of time considering why choral music gets to me the way it does.  And I think I'm on to something.

There's something about a collective of voices joining together to create one sound, one message.  It reminds me of the way the body of Christ is meant to work.  We are meant to operate in one accord, with one message and one mission in mind.  Yet, even in that mission, we each have an individual and unique part, and the body is not the same without each and every part.  There are ebbs and flows, high points and low points, even choppy, difficult to follow rhythms in life.  But the body always sticks together, always continues working toward the end result, always continues singing its respective parts.

And the parts of the body cannot accomplish separately what the entire body can.  It doesn't work like that.  We're made to be a tapestry of talents and gifts and callings and personalities, all intricately woven together.  Just like a vocal ensemble.  Good grief, I love that.  I'm almost crying (again) just thinking about it all, how beautifully everything fits together.

Bottom line:  God is so good and His beauty inspires and transcends.  He is the only reason I breathe. And that's enough of a reason for me.  

I need to write.

So badly.  Do you ever have those times that you know you have something to say, but the words just don't formulate adequately?  Yeah, that's me right now.  If I could access the deep recesses of my heart/mind, I know there would be something almost tangible to post (it feels that huge), but there seems to be something in the way.  Erg.

This is what it feels like right now:   chaos.  Erg.  Again.

The irony is that I did a lot of creative writing this week, for the first time in a loonnnngggg time.  But I haven't journaled or blogged thoughts/feelings in a while.  So strange.

Instead of share anything meaningful/insightful, I'll ramble...but only briefly.  Indulge if you dare.

1.  I absolutely get entirely annoyed with Christmas music playing before Thanksgiving.  Call me a turkey baby, but I just don't think it's right.  Thanksgiving is such a significant holiday; it promotes gratitude and togetherness.  But no, we'll just breeze right on by that to all the festive tunes of St. Nick.  Erg.

2.  I really, thoroughly, completely, and entirely LOVE Christmas music with all of my heart.  AFTER Thanksgiving.  Just sayin'.

3. Apparently, I'm an inadequate clock setter.  Last night I set my phone clock back one hour before I went to bed and I set my phone alarm for 5:21am.  Welp, my alarm went off at 5:21am, but it just so happens that it was actually 6:21am.  And I had no idea I was an hour behind until 7:45am, which I thought to be 6:45am.  Such a confusing morning for me.  And mildly stressful.

4.  Fave new show:  New Girl.  Hands down.

5.  Fave old show:  Prison Break.  Hands down even farther.  I discovered it last Sunday night.  Between then and last night, I may or may not have watched 18 episodes on Netflix.  Oops.  Today, I fasted.  No addictions or idols here, folks.

6.  I am really super duper thankful that I have a co-teacher now on Sunday mornings.  Oh it makes things so much smoother.  Not to mention the fact that she's AWESOME and going to add so much to our conversations and studies.  YES.

7.  I like to type in fragments.  Sometimes.  Usually when I'm feeling a little rebellious.

8.  Current mood:  semi-rebellious.  ;)

9.  Tomorrow: Monday.  Me: Not quite ready.  Weekends go too fast sometimes.

10.  I wanted to end this pointless list on an even number.  Sometimes I'm slightly Type-A.  Sometimes.

That's all for tonight.  I'll write something substantial and thought-provoking at some point in the near future.  Hopefully.  Once I can translate all the jumble in my head/heart.

Until then, hasta luego, amigos.

Oh, one more thing:  who decided this was the cool factor and how in the world are we ladies supposed to accomplish this?!  So not fair.

(Just for the record, I think this is hilarious.)

When I don't understand...

...my first tendency is to question, then complain, then get overwhelmed, then throw a fit.  Super mature, right?  Granted, most of it is inward and between only the Lord, my journal, and me.  But still..

I could spend the better part of a day (or more, probably) listing off the things I don't understand. "Why?" tends to surface a lot in my heart and mind. This morning, "Why?" was especially active and my heart was so heavy. As my thoughts tumbled around, and my spirit brewed with frustration, this song came on my iPod, and immediately tears stung my eyes with conviction. There are plenty of things I don't understand and plenty of reasons to complain about how I don't understand what I don't understand. But God doesn't call me to complain. He calls me to trust, to seek, to worship Him--even in the midst of heaviness and frustration.

"When I don't understand, I will choose you."

Let this song be the cry of my heart for all of my days.  And yours too...have a listen.

asking for directions

Generally, I'm not shy about asking questions. In fact, if anything, I tend to err on the side of asking too many questions and being a smidge too nosey. What can I say? I like to know the 4-1-1. And, if I'm working on a project or assignment that I don't know everything about, I always ask questions; I always want to be accurate and effective.

But why is it that I tend to back off when it comes to my discussions with the Lord? It's like I adopt the "don't ask, don't tell" mindset in my relationship with Him sometimes. As if not asking is going to avoid confusion or heartache. How ignorant of me. The only way to gain clarity and direction is by seeking the One who knows the answers and sets the course.

Last night I went to a worship gathering at Glendale Christian Church. Jared Anderson led an evening of worship, beginning with a brief training time for church worship teams. We took a few of our students that play in the band to both the session and the service. Man, it was amazing. I didn't realize how dry I was and how badly I needed some uninterrupted time in worship, seeking His face. It totally knocked me on my backside...in the best way possible.

I've been wrestling with some directional challenges lately, ie, "What is my calling?" Ha. Big question, I know. But as much as I've wondered, I haven't really taken time to stop and verbalize those thoughts intentionally to the Lord...until today. And it was so freeing. I don't have any answers necessarily, but I feel like I'm heading the right way, just by asking for directions.

Granny

Today is my Granny's birthday. I believe she would've been 82. I've been thinking a lot about her lately, and I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps it's nostalgia, or maybe it's where I'm at in my journey, but I've longed for her wisdom and insight. There's a lot about that woman to admire. Some of my favorite of Granny's qualities:

-Her appreciation for nature. Animals, flowers, birds; she always loved observing them. And she grew the most beautiful, full roses I've ever seen. I remember she had this bird clock in their kitchen that chimed a different bird noise at every hour. I never understood her fascination with birds. When I stop to consider them though, they always make me think of her.

-Her ability to listen to her body. "Let's just rest," she'd say so often. "I just need to rest my eyes." Or, "Now Jessie, make sure you listen to your body. When it says rest, rest!"

-Her seriously intense cleaning skills. I wish I could say I'm as clean as she was, but frankly I don't have the time to spend on my hands and knees, scrubbing my floors with a vinegar solution weekly. Someday, I will, but not right now..

-Her love for her family. No matter who had done what or said what, Granny always extended open arms and, most importantly, an open heart. She always wanted to know what was going on and she was never shy about asking.

-Her cooking skills. Good grief, could she cook. I still have yet to taste an angel food cake that can even pretend to rival hers. Honestly, I've considered praying for angel food in Heaven, but I don't really think it will matter once I'm there.

-Her generosity. Whether it was toting us around town, treating us to ice cream or dinner out, Granny was also doing something for us. We'd go to her house to say hello and leave with a bag full of goodies. When I needed to earn money for a formal dress in high school, Granny contracted me to help her paint her shed. If ever anyone needed anything, Granny did whatever she could to help.

-Her faith. Granny was not overbearing, but not shy either in expressing truth. She was always active in church and left no one to wonder where she stood.

I hope that I can be even half the woman that Granny Stone was. She's left a legacy in me that I do not soon want to forget.