the mood monster

I swear there's a mood monster hiding in the recesses of my heart and making appearances when I least expect it.  Ugh.  I thought I would outgrow that with the teen years... HA.  Oh no, that didn't happen.

Exhibit A:
This morning began beautifully with a wake up text from my dad, letting me know he was praying blessings on me today.  First of all, that was a pleasant and unplanned occurrence.  My dad texts me pretty often, but not generally first thing in the morning, and not generally with a message that catches me as off-guard as this one did.  Needless to say, I was so encouraged (not even annoyed that the text notification woke me up before my alarm) by his words.  Doesn't it just make all the difference to know someone is praying for you?  So good.

The rest of my day went something like this...

• Impromptu staff meeting.  Not a big deal at all, in fact it was necessary, but not planned into my schedule.  Mood:  Optimistic, but feeling slightly challenged by the waning window of time I had to get everything done.  
• Errands all around town causing stress and slight amounts of frustration at the mounting realization that my lunch hour was quickly being sucked dry by figuring fabric dimensions more times than I can recall.  Mood:  Tired and insecure about my fabric (and mathematical) skills.  Erg.  
• Lunch on the go.  Again, not a big deal normally, but for some reason, on Wednesdays this really throws me off.  Mood: Stressed!  Not time to relax and prepare my spirit for worship later.  
• Afternoon office work and prep for Wednesday night services.  Mood:  Excited for the evening!
• Band practice.  Mood:  Mellow mostly; slightly distracted by what I didn't get accomplished.
• Flipping pancakes for the band and student volunteers.  So fun.  Mood: Fun, but stressed about time crunches.
• midweek student service.  Worship, prayer, speaking, worship, etc.  Mood: Peaceful.  Enjoyed God's presence and being with the students.
• After midweek gatherings, meetings etc.  Cleaning up from midweek, answering questions about upcoming services and events, shooting promo videos, finishing touches on Sunday services... Mood: Fun and laid back in the beginning; stressed, exhausted, and altogether snappy by the end.

"Hi, I'm Jessica, the human pinball machine."  Ping-ping-ping.  Happy, stressed, excited, mellow, grumpy.  Yikes.  Sometimes I overwhelm myself.  And I get so irritated with ME.  Does that ever happen to you?

I'm learning that I can't rely on myself or trust myself like I think I can; sometimes I'm just too fickle!  I've got to always look to the Lord, even when I think I'm coasting, when I'm on that high; I've got to continue to look to Him.  He's the Rock that can't be shaken.  I don't know why I am the way that I am or what I feel the way that I feel.  But I know He does.  And I know I can rely on Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6