If ever a book was written about my life, the title and subject must include some reference or nod, at least, to waiting. I hate waiting. I think the Lord knows that too. Obviously I don't have it mastered either, otherwise I don't think He would continue to give me all the opportunities to learn how to wait.
Right now I am wrestling with waiting in so many different areas. And I loathe it. I know there's a purpose, sure, but I struggle with seeing that clearly. Mostly, I just feel unproductive in the playing the waiting game. Whether it's waiting in traffic (I will actually take an alternate route and go out of my way to avoid congested intersections or long lines of traffic), in relationships, in test results, in baking: waiting is not my strong suit. How I'm just suddenly realizing this for the first time, I have no idea. But I am. And it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. Literally, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my repeatedly over the past few weeks.
It's not that I don't like waiting for no reason. Oh, there are plenty of reasons. The biggest one currently is the pain in the process, the angst in trying to "figure it out" before the ending is revealed. Oy. I'm up to my knees in ill-fitting pieces and making very little progress in deciphering the bigger picture. And that's just it. I know that no matter how hard I try, I will not be able to figure it out. And I don't think I'm supposed to. But being still, being patient, and being quiet while I wait are so challenging for me. What am I supposed to do while I wait? My nature is that of a doer. Doers don't do so well in the waiting process.
As I write this post, I feel like I'm continuing to realize more about my perspective on waiting. The waiting itself is one thing; dealing with what seems to be the cessation of action and the mounting anxiety and anticipation of what's to come is exhausting. And it requires so much trust. That's the real kicker. If ever a second book were written about my life, it most definitely should discuss my trust struggles. I know that I'm supposed to trust and I know that I'm supposed to wait, to trust; I've read it, I've heard it, I've prayed about it. Putting it into action? Something entirely different. So, I'm making it my mission: learn to wait and trust, simultaneously. In reality, I think that the two really complement each other.
I know that waiting on the Lord is in my best interest and will ultimately bring Him the most glory, and in my heart of hearts, it's my desire. So I'll do it, grinning and bearing it every step of the way.
Please tell me that you've struggled with waiting at some point too... I'm completely open to advice/stories to learn from. :)
In the mean time, I'll be here. Waiting..
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