coping with chaos

I can’t believe the holidays have come and gone already.  And it’s 2012?!  When did that happen?  Sheesh.

To begin the year, we decided to refinish our kitchen cabinets.  So excited for the update; however, not so excited about the current chaotic state of our kitchen and adjacent areas.

Here’s proof of the current chaos:

Our office currently holds all of our kitchen ware and pantry contents.
Yikes.

This afternoon I met with a wonderfully wise friend for coffee.  I so needed our time together.  We shared about our current life situations, spiritually, emotionally, job-wise…etc.  What I love so much about this friend is her complete and total honesty and acceptance.  She’s one of those that I can set a bomb off in front of and she doesn’t bat an eye, but merely shrugs her shoulders and says, “Well all right, sister,” and helps me examine the pieces.  I seem to be blessed with several friends like that; apparently the Lord knows I’m good at dropping bombs.

My latest bomb:  feeling in a rut of sorts in my relationship with the Lord.  It’s one of those times that I know I should be pursuing Him regularly, but I also know my heart isn’t completely in it.  And I don’t like that.  I don’t want to seek Him merely out of obligation or duty; I want to seek Him because I WANT to seek Him.   It so bothers me to know that my heart isn’t where it should be, isn’t where I want it to be.  Overall, it feels like chaos in my soul.  And that wears on me.

So we were discussing this current situation and the desire to jump into the cycle of spiritual growth, yet not knowing exactly where/how to begin.  It was then that my lovely friend shared some advice I found to be so wise.  She explained that when she encounters those situations of not knowing where to begin or what to do next, she goes back to the last thing the Lord told her to do, the last thing she discerned Him saying.

It didn’t take me long at all to remember the last thing I heard Him say.  It’s the same thing He’s been saying for quite awhile now:  “Wait.”

“Wait.”

Four simple letters that drive this girl crazy.  But if that’s what He’s said, then that’s what I’ll do.  Despite the internal chaos I feel and despite the fact that I often have no idea what waiting looks like, what I’m waiting for, or how long I’m to wait, I will wait.  Period.  Again, my friend interjected some valuable advice.  In the midst of this chaos, perhaps the Lord is merely asking me to trust Him.  It seems easy to trust when things are clearly outlined, when answers are easy to come by; but in the obscure, in the unknown, in the undetermined, that’s when trusting is difficult.  But perhaps that’s when it counts the most.

And so I’ll wait…until I’m given different instructions.  And I’ll make the most of this chaos in the meantime.