Crazy little thing called "Love"

The crazy thing about love is that it really does hit you when you're not looking for it.  It just smacks you in the face and changes everything.  In the best way, of course.

Right about the time I thought my life was totally complete and I was more than comfortable looking out for myself and myself only, December 29, 2012 happened.

Just a month earlier, I'd agreed to go on [yet another] blind date.  What could it hurt, right?  On date day, I was less than enthusiastic about my prearranged outing.  (We'll just blame it on the nerves.)  I had totally psyched myself up for rejection.  This guy was an accomplished West Point graduate, currently in the midst of his Special Forces training.  Why would someone so adventurous and exciting be even remotely interested in me?  I diagram sentences for fun.  I wanted so badly to bail and save myself from what I knew would be imminent rejection.

But I didn't.  I'd made the commitment at New Year's that 2012 would be the year of "yes" for me.  Whatever door the Lord opened in front of me, I would enter.  No more letting fear hold me back.  I can't even begin to explain to you how glad I am that I made that commitment, and how glad I am that the Lord held me to it.  I could have missed an incredible opportunity--and an even more incredible guy--just because of a silly little fear.

Anyway, the course of events that ensued once I talked myself up into hopping in my Jeep included ice skating, a super smooth wipe-out during said ice skating, dinner, driving/walking around downtown, etc.  And it just so happened to be followed by a second date the next afternoon, just before he had to head back to North Carolina.

Then came the phone calls..

Followed by more phone calls.

Spring break approached and was greeted by plane tickets to North Carolina with my name on them.

Easter brought a certain boy from North Carolina and an introduction to my parents.

Then a few more phone calls...

Hopefully you get the picture: my world has been changed by a crazy little thing called love.

Trevor has been a huge blessing in my life.  He's an incredible friend; more thoughtful and encouraging than I could have imagined.  From the very beginning, I knew there was something different about him.    He challenges me and balances me.  He pursues me.  He's smart, determined, funny, strong, and a man of great faith and integrity.  I could continue, but either I'll cry or you'll puke, so I'll let up.

All of that said, I find myself in the midst of a pretty crazy adventure currently--one that I definitely didn't have on my agenda, but one that is surpassing my expectations entirely.  As of the beginning of August, I'll be relocating to Clarksville, Tennessee, which is just outside where Trevor will be posted when he graduates in August.  I'm blown away by how the Lord has already opened doors and is continuing to do so.  He is so faithful, and I'm excited to experience more of His faithfulness and goodness on this new ride!

Of all the emotions I'm experiencing in light of the huge transition happening in my life, I think gratitude is the most overwhelming.  If I have learned nothing else in the last six months, I have learned of God's goodness and grace, two qualities that I can neither possess nor deserve on my own.  He is so good.  And I am so grateful.

Also, I might just be a little bit excited about this whole thing.. :)

Stay tuned for more details!

Love Bug

This month, I had the privilege of writing and teaching a couple of lessons for a Wednesday night series with rbcstudents entitled, "Love Bug."  Darling, right?  I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED getting to sink my teeth into a good research/writing/teaching assignment.  Nerdy?  Perhaps.  But I honestly don't care.  I've had people ask for my notes from those sessions, so I thought I'd post them here, with the hopes that they might be an encouragement to just the right person, at just the right time.  

So, without further ado...

midweek :: Love Bug :: week 1

“True Love”:: 1 John 4:7-19

-Have you ever been in love?  With whom? 

-How did you feel?  How did you know you were in love?

 

That’s great and all.  But so much of our world is focused on a superficial love, a love that happens merely between two people.  What I want to talk with you about over the next couple of weeks is a real love—a true love; a love that comes only in and through our Creator.

 

So, let’s begin by taking a look at what love really is.  You may have your preconceived notions of what love is and what love means.  But for the next two weeks, I’d like you to join me in looking at love and learning about love with a fresh perspective.  I’d like for you to hear about love as if for the first time, forgetting misconceptions you may have and misrepresentations you may have experienced.

 

I’ve got to be honest:  Love is something I’ve completely struggled with in my life.  And I don’t mean just romantically.  I mean that it’s so difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that God is a God of love, that He loves me, fully, completely, unconditionally.  And even now, I struggle to get it all the way, or even a little, really.  But I’ve got to tell you, recently, I started praying and asking God to help me fall in love with Him, to help me see His love for me.  And it’s been absolutely amazing.  So I want to share it with you.  I truly believe that if and when we can come into an understanding of what Love really is and how it really does apply to us, I believe it will transform our lives. 

 

Pray, asking the Lord to make Himself known to us as LOVE, opening our hearts and minds to His truth and His creation of love, nothing less.

 

What is love?

 

Read 1 John 4:7-19. 

 

Let’s break it down.

1. God is love.  Vs. 16

a. Love does not describe the fullness of God, but God defines the fullness of love.

2. Love is a dwelling place.  Vs.  16

a. Abide:  to remain, to continue, to stay; to dwell, to live in; to put up with; to accept without opposition or question; to submit to or agree to. 

b. As a Christian, a Believer in Christ, we live within the sphere of God’s love.  That love is something that we both experience and express. 

c. Romans 8:37-39.  Nothing can shake us from the sphere of God’s love.  Why?  Because God is Love and if we abide in Him, we abide in love. 

3. Love is a haven.

a. Haven:  any place of shelter or safety.

b. Perfect love CASTS OUT fear.  Vs.18-19

c. Cast out:  to throw or expel with violence or force; to reject or dismiss; to shed or drop.

d. Favorite definition:  “to throw or expel with violence or force.”  Love is fierce.  It is not quiet or timid; it is PROTECTIVE, which is why we can dwell there safely.  God’s Love does not diminish or fade; it protects and shelters us.  And therefore, there is NO ROOM FOR FEAR in God’s perfect love. 

e. Illustration:  Remember when you were a kid and you had a bad dream in the night?  What did you do?  Call out to mom and dad, maybe in extreme cases, go and sleep in their room.  Why?  There was safety and protection in their love and in their arms.  That’s such a beautiful picture of a small scale of what God is like with us.  His love is so much greater than our parents’ and if we could place so much trust in them as a haven here on earth, how much more trust could we place in our Creator and Protector, our ultimate Lover? 

f.   Think about your greatest fears or even daily fears for a moment.  One amazing fact about God/Love is that there is NO room for fear in Love.  Perfect Love casts OUT fear.  It offers us acceptance, confidence, companionship, security, truth, loyalty, hope, etc.  That is SO important for us to recognize, believe, and trust.  In love, we don’t have to fear.

g. A mature understanding of God’s love removes any fear of God’s judgment. A person who abides in God’s love will not be ashamed when Jesus returns. 

        i. How is that possible?  How does that make sense? 

4. Love is death on a cross.  Vs. 9-10

     a. Jumping back up a few verses…

     b.This is the ultimate culmination of love:  God made Himself enter the world in the form of man.  He lived  

      perfectly; He loved perfectly.  And then He died IN OUR PLACE. 

     c. Propitiate:  to make favorably inclined; to appease. 

     d. Propitiation:  He took our place.  He made it possible for us to be loved.  By Jesus dying on the cross, we are pardoned, or excused.  Because of that act of love, when God looks on us, He sees Christ.  2 Corinthians 5:21 says that we are the righteousness of Christ.  Why?  How?  Because He is love. And we get to experience that Love.  We get to DWELL in that Love.  We get to TRUST that Love. 

 

Are you overwhelmed yet?  I am.  This is true Love. 

 

In case I haven’t done a good enough job of expressing it to you tonight, I want you to listen to this song.  This is one that has shown me so much over the last couple of months.  It says so much about God as love and how He sees us and uses us. 

 

If, tonight, you haven’t ever experienced Love, if you’ve never met Love, would you come talk with me tonight?  I’d love to pray with you.  I’m praying now, and have been praying already, that the Holy Spirit would be drawing you into an encounter with Love tonight. 

 

Close your eyes and listen to True Love.

 

Play “Beauty for These Ashes” by The Great Exchange. 

 **By the way, HUGE props to The Great Exchange for their recent album release.  It is a stellar piece of work and I highly recommend checking them out:  http://www.thegreatexchangeband.com/  

 

midweek :: Love Bug :: week 2

“In Love”:: 1 John 4:7-10 :: 1 Corinthians 13

Recap last week. 

-We talked about what “True Love” was and what that looked like.  

4 Things about Love

1. God is love. 

-Remember:  Love does not describe the fullness of God, but God defines the fullness of love.

2.  Love is a dwelling place. 

3.  Love is a haven.  

4.  Love is death on a cross.  

 

What is Love?  How is your idea of Love different this week than it was last week?

What have you learned about Love?  Have you experienced TRUE Love? 

 

Now that we know what TRUE Love looks like, let’s take a look at how it plays out in our lives.  I’ve titled tonight’s message, “In Love.”  That’s a phrase that gets tossed around so often.  I wish I could count the number of times that I see people post things, whether on Twitter or on Facebook or on Instagram, about how “in love they are with this boy/girl” or how “in love they are with this band/tv show/celebrity/movie/etc.”  And I just think, “You’re ‘in love’ with ___________?!  That must be a satisfying and fulfilling relationship.”

 

All joking aside, being in love is a serious matter.  As believers, we are called to be in love with Christ, with our Creator.  And beyond that, we are called to be in love as we live our lives.  We were created to LIVE in love.

 

Tonight we’re going to be looking at a passage that is probably very familiar to most, if not all, of you.  It’s often read at weddings, posted around homes, quoted in song lyrics, etc.  Tonight, my prayer is that your eyes, both physical and spiritual, would be open to the Truth and to the contextual meaning of what God’s Word says in this particular passage. 

 

Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13 with me.

 

Pray.

 

What do you naturally think of when you think of 1 Corinthians 13?

 

Check out 1 Corinthians 12 and 1 Corinthians 14.  What do those headings read in your Bible?

 

1 Corinthians 13 is sandwiched in between two chapters that talk specifically about the Body of Christ, the Church.  It’s no coincidence that this chapter detailing how we ought to show love to one another is stuck right between two chapters about relationships between the Body.  LOVE is what binds us together, it’s what connects us.  In fact, when Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthians, he didn’t break it up into chapters or into verses; it was one continuous letter.  (A fairly lengthy one, I might add.)  But Paul intended for the believers in Corinth to apply it to their relationships among one another. 1 Corinthians 13 is a guide for us to use as we struggle with and wrestle through the mess of relationships here on earth.

I submit to you tonight that 1 Corinthians 13 describes the way we treat others when we are 

love.  

So then, what does it look like to be “in love”?  Let’s break down that phrase.

In:  located or situated within; inner; internal; well-liked; included; inward; plentiful; available.

Love:  Recapping last week’s lessons, we learned in 1 John 4 that God Love.  So if we are in Love, then we are in Christ.  

Now, if we are talking about love as an action, love as a feeling, love as a tangibility in our daily lives, then there are a few different types of love that we could consider.  Love is a by-product of

 

Different kinds of love

Eros:  physical sexual desire and not much else

Philos:  suggests esteem and affection found in casual friendship

Agape:  Describes a love based on the deliberate choice of the one who loves, rather than on the worth of the one who is loved.

Agape is the kind of love that Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 13.  

 

Check yourself:  Are you in love?

Illustration:  Use a box with the word “Love” written on it.  If I’m in the box, then everything I do, say, think, feel, etc. has to go through love before it comes out.  If I abide in Love, then my actions, reactions, attitudes, etc. will align with the characteristics in 1 Corinthians 13.

To be in love is not merely a state of being or a description of our affections; rather, it is a constant choice of motivation and operation.  

Are you acting with the motive of love?

Are you following through with the actions, words, etc. that show that you are 

Love?

Galatians 5:22-23 gives us the fruits of the Spirit.  What’s the first one mentioned?  Love. 

How we display love is a direct reflection of where we abide and what state we’re in.  

Check yourself:  How well do you exhibit the attributes of love?  

As I read back through 1 Corinthians 13, I want you to consider each of these characteristics of love.  On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would you rate yourself on each characteristic?

Long-suffering/patience

kindness

not envying

not boasting or parading itself around

not behaving rudely

not self-seeking

is not provoked

thinks no evil--thinks positive or encouraging

does not rejoice in sin

rejoices in truth

bears all things (hold up or support)

believes all things

hopes all things

endures all things

Tonight I want you to spend some time with the Lord, considering and searching your heart in relation to this whole idea of being 

love.  Where do you stand?  If you rated yourself low on any of those categories from 1 Corinthians 13, chances are you may be walking around out of love.  You may have an arm or a leg hanging out, uncovered and unabiding in love.  

My challenge to you tonight:  Be in love.  Let Him cover you.  Let Him be your dwelling place so that your words, your attitudes, your actions are a direct reflection of Him, of love.  If you’ve never encountered True Love, tonight is the perfect time to meet.  And I would love to introduce you.  

Pray. 

2013: Who I Want to Be

Yikes, it's 2013.  How did that happen?  I know it's cliche to say, but it's so true:  it seems like the older I get, the faster time passes.  And I don't like it.  Not one bit.  Along with everyone and his or her brother, I've been doing some reflecting over the last year or so.  So much happened in 2012.  Some things I will treasure forever; others I'd rather just forget.

A few highlights from 2012...
NYC missions/ESL classes, CAMP 2012, OGM Mission Conference in Ecuador, visiting the Equator, Stone family vacay to South Carolina, taking a teaching job, and surviving my first semester of teaching.

As I've looked ahead to 2013 and tried to begin setting my goals, I've hit a brick wall of sorts.  I keep trying to figure out things I'd like to do or marks I'd like to reach, but none of it is really doing it for me.  There isn't anything that I really want to DO in 2013, at least nothing I can put my finger on.  So instead of focusing on what I'd like to do, I've decided to set some goals for who I want to BE, and then let those aspirations mold and shape my actions.

I once had a friend that consistently reminded me, "Jessica, we are called 'human beings' and not 'human doings' for a reason."  She so well knew my tendencies for striving, and not just striving, but striving for perfection in all that I do.  That can be a lot of pressure, especially when it's self-imposed.  So, this year, instead of putting together a list of things I may or may not do and then feel discouraged about later, I'm going to focus my energy on who I'm becoming.

I'm wrestling deeply with the question, "What kind of person do I want to be?"
And here are my answers so far:

1.  I want to be generous--with my time, money, gifts, energy, love, patience.
2.  I want to be fit and healthy.
3.  I want to be a person of integrity.
4.  I want to be filled with joy.
5.  I want to be a person that knows God deeply and follows Him fully, no matter the cost.
6.  I want be full of compassion and empty of judgment.
7.  I want to be truthful and transparent in the way I live.
8.  I want to be confident.
9.  I want to be obedient.
10.  I want to be strong.
11.  I want to be a person who values the input of others, but that does not waver in what I know to be true.
12.  I want to be a person that values others more than myself.
13.  I want to be a person that prays, diligently and deeply.
14.  I want to be a person that trusts, even when there's no reason to.
15.  I want to be bold, not backing down from a challenge or obstacle.
16.  I want to have faith, faith that can move mountains, faith that can bridge the gap.
17.  I want to be respectful, regardless of my opinions and assessments of others.
18.  I want to be a giver, not a taker.
19.  I want to be free, not caught up in superficial or legalistic limitations, but free to worship, free to love.
20.  I want to be a kind person, one that takes the time to show love and goodness through a simple act.
21.  I want to be a fighter, standing strong for what I believe and for those that I love.
22.  I want to be a pianist again.
23.  I want to be an encourager, not a naysayer or a Debbie Downer.
24.  I want to be creative.
25.  I want to be a problem-solver, not a problem-creator.
26.  I want to be a lover.
27.  I want to be loyal.  Period.  End of story.
28.  I want to be gracious, allowing others the freedom to be and become, without penalty.

And what about you, who is it that you want to be?  Before you decide what it is you want to do, would you consider what you want to be?  Would you let that then motivate and inspire you, let who you are and who you're becoming be the driving force behind your actions, and not the other way around?  Be brave.

Happy 2013 to you!

making shoes and being faithful

Over the last few years, my interest in missions outside of the US has grown considerably.  Not only that, but my willingness to consider spending a portion (or all, I guess) of my life outside of the U.S. has also increased...and drastically.  In fact, for the last several months, I've wrestled with and prayed about the possibility of teaching abroad, be it at a missionary school or otherwise.  And it's honestly grown to become something that I am excited about the potential of.

But I have no idea if that is something that the Lord has in store for me, or if it's a man, er, woman made idea.

And so I've prayed.  And I've researched.  And I've begun talking to people.  And I haven't gained any clarity.  In fact, God's been [seemingly] pretty silent on the matter.

Tonight, when the opportunity arose to attend a "Night of Justice" at church and hear a representative from the International Justice Mission speak, I jumped.  I really wanted to know about opportunities to get involved with loving people in tangible ways and spreading the Gospel around the world.  I thought maybe hearing about the heart and passion of IJM would spark some sort of revelation for me.  Alas, it did not.  I was moved, of course, by the stories and by the statistics and by the outrageous injustice committed across the world, and of course, by the majority of the world's blind eye and deaf ear.  But a revelation did not happen.

After the event, I had the opportunity to talk individually with the speaker from IJM.  I explained briefly my situation and my desire to figure out the next step for my life.  I intend to remember exactly what he said to me.

"Be faithful to the task set before you.  Don't treat your current situation as merely a stepping stone."

He then told the story of a man whose primary occupation was making shoes.  Sure, making shoes wasn't so glamorous, and perhaps it wasn't even desirable or enjoyable.  But shoe-making is what this man had been called to do.  And he did it with all his heart, serving the Lord every step of the way.  He was faithful to the task set before him.

I'm not sure which part was more staggering, the fact that his words caught me so off guard, or the fact that I knew instantly that his words were so true and exactly what I needed to hear.

Immediately, I was convicted.  It's not that I don't give my best to the kids that I teach.  But I have been viewing this as merely a season; something to get through, but not necessarily something to prosper in.  Sure, I've seen ministry opportunities woven throughout, but I haven't necessarily been treating my job as my current calling.  I've totally viewed it as a stepping stone, as a means of making it from point A to point B.  And that totally robs those around me from experiencing so much.  So it's time for me to make a shift.  It's time to zoom in on the task at hand and work at it with all my might.  Period.  No goals of "passing the test" or "getting through" in mind.  That doesn't mean that I will discontinue praying about my future, but it does mean that it cannot be my priority.  The Lord has always been so faithful, the very least I can do is be faithful to Him, even if it required making shoes.

What about you?  Is there something the Lord has set before you right now?  Will you be faithful to His call in your life currently, without worrying about future plans?

Going.

About a year ago, I decided I was done with ministry.  I was pretty beat up and bruised, and I was more than ready to throw in the towel.  At the same time, I still loved my job.  I loved speaking truth, hanging out with students, and learning from some spiritually solid people.  But I felt so trapped.  And inadequate and so overly tired of giving endlessly...not just to people but to the Lord.

I was done.

But the Lord was not.  He made it so clear to me that I needed to press on and dig deep.  And so I did.  Until Christmas.  And then I started planning again to leave, to 'get out' of ministry.  I wanted to live my own life and do my own thing without letting anyone else down and definitely without being held to a higher standard.  I wanted my own way.

I began applying for jobs..endlessly, it seemed.  I had a really great interview, which I thought was my ticket out, my pass on to my own path.  And then I waited...3 months before I heard anything.  Then there was a second interview.  And then there was the rejection phone call.

Throughout the journey between the two interviews (for the same position), I constantly struggled to determine what God's will was and if I was really willing to follow it.  After I didn't get the job, and didn't receive a single call from ANY other school to which I applied, I quickly understood that God did NOT want me leaving ministry.  After throwing an initial temper tantrum, I dried up my tears, resolved to dig in to ministry even deeper and more wholeheartedly than I ever had before, and committed to following Christ and His will over my own.  Yes, I've made this commitment a million times, but somehow, at various twists and turns along the way, it seems that I continually come to a crossroads of "my will vs. Thy will".

That was the beginning of May.  May, June, and July were 3 of the best months of my life.  I dove into student ministry full-force again, refreshed, renewed, and strengthened.  I loved every minute of it.  Project Springfield.  Girls Bible Study.  Summer Interns.  New York.  CAMP.  Ecuador.

And then I got a call from the principal with whom I'd interviewed in May.  He offered me a job and said he didn't want anyone else.  Initially, I didn't want to talk with him.  I didn't want to hear what he had to say because I was happy.  Content.  Satisfied.  And I didn't want anything to rock the boat.  Per the advice of a wise friend, I listened to the principal's offer.  And I prayed.  Hard.  Before I even ended that first phone call with him, I knew the Lord was stirring something in my heart.  I knew He was calling me to something new.  But I wasn't sure if I wanted it.

Thankfully, the lesson I learned from December through May hadn't left me yet.  And this time I knew better than to go with my will.  I hit my face before the Lord and asked for wisdom.  I had a tough choice to make:  stay or go.

The clearest message I got was that it was time for me to go.  A year ago, I wanted to leave.  I was running hard core.  And He wouldn't let me go.  As many times as I shook my fist at Him and begged for Him to let go of me, He never did.  He never has.  I'm convinced He never will.  But in late July, He called me not to leave, but to go.  See, taking a new job now was not me getting out of ministry.  It wasn't running from something; it is diving deeper into the ministry that He's set before me.  It's going out into the world and shining some light.  It's putting on my armor and getting in the trenches.  For me, it's going deeper into ministry.  It's further accepting His call.

I think it's so crazy that the Lord knows the condition of our hearts at each step along the way.  He knows when the right time is to move us, to stretch us, to test us, to push us.. And He doesn't act as we think He ought.  He doesn't call when we see fit.  He moves, acts, calls, etc., according to His timing and His plan.  And He's got it worked out better than I ever could.  I'm not saying that my life is perfect now, or that I feel one hundred percent satisfied, or that I don't have moments of frustration or fear--I have all of those and more.  But I do know that a long time ago I placed my trust in hands much greater than my own.  Those hands have not failed me yet, and so I'm continuing to place my whole life in His hands DAILY (sometimes hourly), and I'm believing that He will continue to lead me.

And that, my friends, is why I changed jobs.  Not because I in my flesh wanted to, not because I was running from ministry, and certainly not because I was wounded and defeated; but, rather, because He said, "Go!"

What is the Lord calling you to right now?  How will you respond?  

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

Tick-Tock vs. Trust

I've finally accepted the fact that I'm a haphazard blogger.  And by haphazard I mean completely sporadic and quite often overly dramatic.  Since I'm accepting that fact, I'm relinquishing myself from guilt and unnecessary introductions on each new post...beginning next time. This time, I just have to say that I hate that I don't make time to write.  I hate how my writing seems to deteriorate when I don't do it.  And I hate that it's such an outlet for me, yet when I don't write for long periods of time, the act becomes so laborious.  Ugh.  And so I'm forcing myself to write...hopefully it won't be a complete disaster.

They say, "Timing is everything."

Jesus is everything.  Duh.  But part of the brilliance of Jesus being everything is that He holds time in His hand.  I have a horrible tendency to pray for God's plan, and then to obsess over it every step of the way.  "Is this the right door?"  "Is this the right time?"  Ugh, I obsess over knowing the right thing and doing the right thing, at the right time.  Sometimes it feels as if a perpetual alarm clock resides inside my head/heart:  "Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock!"  Talk about inducing anxiety.  My continual struggle is whether or not to give in to the clock and become alarmed (ha) about my quickly passing time and opportunities, or to trust that it's all going to work out.  Can you guess which one I give in to more often?  Erg.  Anyway, I've been learning a little bit about timing lately, both from experience and conversations with people much wiser than myself.  

Two lessons I've been learning lately about timing and God's will.

1) Seeking His perfect timing or will or plan or whatever must not replace seeking Him.

and 

2) His timing really is perfect.

Time for a story.  Recently I found myself annoyed on a Wednesday night.  A student's ride was abnormally late and I was abnormally irritable, tired, and altogether ready to be home.  (None of that is the fault of the student, by the way.)  I was antsy, to say the least.  When, at last, it came time to go home, as I pulled onto Republic Road, I spotted what seemed to be a teenage girl walking along the road, carrying multiple bags.  As I got closer, I recognized her.  I drove past and immediately felt compelled to stop.  Notice I said I drove past...  After only a few seconds of arguing with myself--I was tired, it was late, I wasn't completely positive that I knew who she was--I made a u-turn, swung my Jeep into the Catholic church parking lot, and called out to her.  Thankfully, she recognized me too.  I would've hated to be a creeper.  I offered her a ride and she accepted.  I was so excited to chat with her.  She's attended RBC only twice, by "happenstance."  And, ironically (ha), I'd been thinking of her just recently.  I would never have dreamt that I'd unexpectedly run into her late one Wednesday night, particularly on an evening that I was so eager to be home.

I wonder how often I get so eager about my plans and miss out on His plans, on Him.  Just a thought...

The good news, in my struggle for figuring out timing and plans and such is that I don't really have to figure out any of it.  Because He's got it together, I don't have to worry about it.  The waiting isn't going to be too long.  I'm not going to miss out on Him.  I'm not going to miss out on His plans.  But I am going to miss out on a lot of beauty by continually obsessing over the details.

I've found that my obsession with figuring out everything in my life is really rooted in fear... There's quite a bit to be said about that, but we'll elaborate another time.  For now, I'm finding comfort in these words:

"There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear..."    1 John 4:18


And so it's time to say goodbye to the obsession and planning and the fear that triggers it all; time to throw it all out the door and give into Him.

Perhaps you've got a plan to throw out the window too.  Perhaps you need to stop obsessing and planning and worrying as well.  Don't be afraid; just step out in faith.

21 years ago today

...my existence as an only child completely shattered.  Yep, that's right:  my sister was born.  And today she turns 21.  Holy moley, where has the time gone?!  Since this is her big day, I thought I'd dedicate a blog post to her.  I'm sure she'll be so thrilled. (HA!)  :)

My sister is definitely one of my favorite people.  Let's be honest, I don't say that about a lot of people.  And if I'm being even more honest, she might just be my favorite person.  Yes, I'm seeping total sister sap.

From her beauty, to her poise, to her persistence, my sister is someone I maintain utmost respect for.  Despite the fact that we couldn't be more different in a some ways, she is someone I admire so much.  No matter the cost, my sister stands her ground.  When other people pressure her to sway, sway she does not.  Simply said, she is who she is, no matter the crowd.

Growing up, there was rarely a dull moment as long as my sister was around.  Between babysitting kids running around, me throwing an emotional teenage tyrade, and dad cheering heart and soul for losing teams, my sister has always provided a source of laughter.  Barbie photo shoots.  Steve Urkel impressions.  Imaginary friend phone calls, sleepovers, and Dairy Queen trips.  She's never been shy and she's never hesitated to put herself on the line in the name of comedy.

We've had some crazy times together, and I know we'll have plenty more.  We've fought and screamed and exchanged our share of hurtful words.  We've also laughed and shared secrets that we don't share with others.  Ever.  If I know anything, I know that nothing will change our relationship.

Happy 21, LA.  I'm really proud to call you my sister.