there are days that i am so preoccupied with myself and the things of this world that i forget my purpose, my passion, and my pursuit. let's be real: those days are more often than not. i frequently get bogged down with my checklist at work, that i so easily (or not so easily on some days, depending on the tasks given) breeze through and then document on my timesheet. i get caught up in "doing" ministry and i forget why i do it. and what i'm doing, for that matter.
today's a day that i'm heavy though. i'm heavy with the weight of the world. the realization that i carry the hope of the world in my heart, that is sinking in thickly today. i believe it was probably prompted by a compelling group discussion i participated in yesterday evening. nevertheless, i'm glad to be heavy. it's been a while since i've wrestled with things outside of my own concern. how selfish am i? disgusting.
anyway, today is just one of those days that i don't feel like being productive in the sense that the world requires. i want to be productive for the kingdom and nothing else. i want to just sit and share with someone who doesn't know Truth. i want to listen and absorb weight as it drips off the heart and tongue of someone who's been heavy with grief and loneliness for far too long.
today, i just want to love by being. that's all.
so i thought i would share.
prepare me to love. open my heart to your desires and your ways. empty me of my needs and my wants and fill me with yours. give me eyes to see hearts heavy with bondage and give me courage to shine light in dark places.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
on love: an outstanding conclusion of sorts.
Love cannot be earned.
It simply cannot be so.
It is not a right, a duty, or a responsibility.
It is not a game, a prize, an accolade, approval, or even acknowledgment.
Love is a gift.
It is unwarranted and incomprehensible.
It doesn't make sense, fit into a box, or rhyme a certain way.
It's not convenient or pretty.
Love isn't easily defined or even remotely measurable.
Love is a free gift.
Free.
Gift.
And it is completely unending.
It knows no boundaries or landscapes.
No mountain can surpass it;
no valley can contain it.
It is a constant, steady stream, a mighty flow.
Love cannot be reversed or filtered.
Love is a gift.
There are no apologies for love;
no expectations and certainly no exceptions.
It is inerrant and inescapable;
unrelenting and unreserved.
Love is a gift.
Love never fails.
God is love.
It simply cannot be so.
It is not a right, a duty, or a responsibility.
It is not a game, a prize, an accolade, approval, or even acknowledgment.
Love is a gift.
It is unwarranted and incomprehensible.
It doesn't make sense, fit into a box, or rhyme a certain way.
It's not convenient or pretty.
Love isn't easily defined or even remotely measurable.
Love is a free gift.
Free.
Gift.
And it is completely unending.
It knows no boundaries or landscapes.
No mountain can surpass it;
no valley can contain it.
It is a constant, steady stream, a mighty flow.
Love cannot be reversed or filtered.
Love is a gift.
There are no apologies for love;
no expectations and certainly no exceptions.
It is inerrant and inescapable;
unrelenting and unreserved.
Love is a gift.
Love never fails.
God is love.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Fractured Truth.
A new kind of survival mode arises
as weak fights off weakest.
The staunch scent of death
rises through the breath of innocent passers by.
A curious couple momentarily pauses to peer
into the looking glass,
unaware that the reflection revealed
portrays only their truest reality, distorted.
Lies drip easily off the tongue
like pearls elegantly strung linger around the neck.
Fiery darts soar victoriously
while the clean-up crew stands by.
"Move along, folks. Nothin' here to see;
just death in this life of a mess."
as weak fights off weakest.
The staunch scent of death
rises through the breath of innocent passers by.
A curious couple momentarily pauses to peer
into the looking glass,
unaware that the reflection revealed
portrays only their truest reality, distorted.
Lies drip easily off the tongue
like pearls elegantly strung linger around the neck.
Fiery darts soar victoriously
while the clean-up crew stands by.
"Move along, folks. Nothin' here to see;
just death in this life of a mess."
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Redemption.
He who knew no sin
was pierced for mine.
The blood He shed
pooled from my stains.
His sacrifice
was no small price.
My loss is no small gain.
The hands that bear
the scars of scorn
are my only saving grace,
my only healing,
my only hope.
was pierced for mine.
The blood He shed
pooled from my stains.
His sacrifice
was no small price.
My loss is no small gain.
The hands that bear
the scars of scorn
are my only saving grace,
my only healing,
my only hope.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
the joy of the Lord.
The Joy of the Lord is
my strength.
It’s children laughing,
It’s dancing when everyone’s watching,
and not caring in the least.
It’s quiet prayers.
It’s outraged cries for justice.
It’s stolen passports causing team unity.
It’s generosity beyond ability.
It’s letting go and watching things spiral out of my own
control and into omniscient hands.
It’s trials turned into perseverance,
scars turned into medals of honor.
It’s shame turned into significance,
guilt turned into grace,
and shackles into wings.
The Joy of the Lord cannot be contained in a
single moment, event, sound or image;
No, it abounds within us and around us all,
surpassing our deepest pains and
shouting over our greatest fears.
The Joy of the Lord is
our strength.
my strength.
It’s children laughing,
It’s dancing when everyone’s watching,
and not caring in the least.
It’s quiet prayers.
It’s outraged cries for justice.
It’s stolen passports causing team unity.
It’s generosity beyond ability.
It’s letting go and watching things spiral out of my own
control and into omniscient hands.
It’s trials turned into perseverance,
scars turned into medals of honor.
It’s shame turned into significance,
guilt turned into grace,
and shackles into wings.
The Joy of the Lord cannot be contained in a
single moment, event, sound or image;
No, it abounds within us and around us all,
surpassing our deepest pains and
shouting over our greatest fears.
The Joy of the Lord is
our strength.
Friday, July 31, 2009
butterfly.
Goodbye to chains,
I knew you well.
You served me well
and did me wrong.
With brand new wings
and heart ablaze,
I'm busting out.
My shell is gone.
The weight I bore
falls to the ground.
The shadows disappear.
The truth is out.
The truth is known
And free I stand.
No more tied down,
I'm flying high
and freedom is my song.
Death to the caterpillar--
I was born to fly.
I knew you well.
You served me well
and did me wrong.
With brand new wings
and heart ablaze,
I'm busting out.
My shell is gone.
The weight I bore
falls to the ground.
The shadows disappear.
The truth is out.
The truth is known
And free I stand.
No more tied down,
I'm flying high
and freedom is my song.
Death to the caterpillar--
I was born to fly.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
be or do?
Tomorrow is a great day. I know that already. Tomorrow we leave for Camp Barnabas and I really could not be more excited. I'm excited for many reasons. One, I get to hang out with our students. I love them. Two, we get to serve other students. That's pretty sweet. Three, we get to serve the Lord in a capacity outside of our everyday routine. I have no idea what to expect. Four, we get to see the Lord do some crazy cool things. I'm already claiming many victories. Five, I get to grow. I know I'm going to be stretched, and I know I'm going to be stretched far. This is thrilling to me. At the same time, if I'm being completely honest, I must admit that I'm scared too.
Over the last few days, as my anticipation, excitement, and nerves have been building, I've been doing a lot of reflecting, a lot of analyzing. It was pretty easy for me to get to the meat behind my eagerness and excitement, but it took a little more probing for me to get to the root of my fear. I think I've nailed it though. After quite a bit of toiling and wrestling, I think I've identified the culprit, the primary cause of my fear: I still struggle with measuring my worth based on my actions. Basically, I focus too much on doing and not enough on being. And as long as I base my worth on actions, on doing, I can never do enough. I can never prepare enough. I can never learn enough or lead enough or pray enough. And then worry and doubt slyly creep in and take root. And suddenly I'm a whirlwind of frustration and fear. Then the frustration and fear multiply and I have to do more in futile efforts to appease them. Seems a little counterproductive to me.
It's always in times like these, in the whirlwinds of life, that God really reminds me of His goodness, of His faithfulness. In Galatians 5, Paul writes regarding freedom in Christ. He addresses the on-going debate about circumcision. In the end, Paul writes, "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6) Paul takes the emphasis off of an action and places it on a way of living; he shifts importance from doing to being. "Faith expressing itself through love." I don't see any specific, tangible action that defines either faith or love. Yes, we ought to show faith and love through tangible actions, but our actions do not define or confine our faith and love.
I'm not saying don't "do," but I am issuing a challenge, to myself and to anyone else interested. What is my focus? Am I so caught up in doing things, in checking off the list and meeting the requirements that I miss fellowship with the Lord--that I miss building community with others? Is my primary focus doing things for God or being with Him and then in turn being the body of Christ?
Psalm 46:10
"Be still..."
Over the last few days, as my anticipation, excitement, and nerves have been building, I've been doing a lot of reflecting, a lot of analyzing. It was pretty easy for me to get to the meat behind my eagerness and excitement, but it took a little more probing for me to get to the root of my fear. I think I've nailed it though. After quite a bit of toiling and wrestling, I think I've identified the culprit, the primary cause of my fear: I still struggle with measuring my worth based on my actions. Basically, I focus too much on doing and not enough on being. And as long as I base my worth on actions, on doing, I can never do enough. I can never prepare enough. I can never learn enough or lead enough or pray enough. And then worry and doubt slyly creep in and take root. And suddenly I'm a whirlwind of frustration and fear. Then the frustration and fear multiply and I have to do more in futile efforts to appease them. Seems a little counterproductive to me.
It's always in times like these, in the whirlwinds of life, that God really reminds me of His goodness, of His faithfulness. In Galatians 5, Paul writes regarding freedom in Christ. He addresses the on-going debate about circumcision. In the end, Paul writes, "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6) Paul takes the emphasis off of an action and places it on a way of living; he shifts importance from doing to being. "Faith expressing itself through love." I don't see any specific, tangible action that defines either faith or love. Yes, we ought to show faith and love through tangible actions, but our actions do not define or confine our faith and love.
I'm not saying don't "do," but I am issuing a challenge, to myself and to anyone else interested. What is my focus? Am I so caught up in doing things, in checking off the list and meeting the requirements that I miss fellowship with the Lord--that I miss building community with others? Is my primary focus doing things for God or being with Him and then in turn being the body of Christ?
Psalm 46:10
"Be still..."
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